How’s your emotional
intelligence? Your “EIQ” is an important
coaching tool because people have confidence in mentors with strong emotional
intelligence.* Because of this impact,
we’ll spend the next few blog posts exploring aspects of emotional
intelligence, taking a close look at ourselves.
One facet of emotional intelligence is
self-management. Being able to manage
our own emotions is a step toward recognizing and responding to the emotions of
others. And if we want others to listen to and have trust in us, we need to be
in tune with how they are thinking and feeling.
That’s the logic chain for starting here in our talk about emotional
intelligence. Disciplining our own emotions makes us better coaches.
Let’s drill down even further to think
about a specific emotion: our degree of optimism. Having a positive attitude improves
relationships and increases chances of success. What’s your outlook on life? Do you tend to see the glass as half full or
half empty? Where are you on the
pessimist/optimist continuum? What’s
your optimism quotient? This is
something that can certainly vary from day to day and situation to situation,
and it is something over which we can have control, even though it sometimes requires
us to retrain our brains. Victor Frankl,
a Holocaust survivor, famously said, “When we are no longer able to change a
situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Optimism is an attitude, not a
situation, and there are things we can do to cultivate that attitude. Let’s consider a few:
Smile. Smiling provides an instant attitude
adjustment. It actually gives you a chemical boost that improves your outlook. To bring an honest smile to your face, think
of a happy memory. When you catch the
ends of your mouth turning down, use a different set of muscles – pull those
corners up! Try it right now and see. Can you feel how the shape of your face is
linked to your attitude?
Feed
your brain positive
messages. A smile is a quick fix,
but our brains need ongoing support to maintain a positive outlook. We can nourish our brains frequently with a
photo that makes us smile or by pinning an inspiring quote to the computer
screen. For a boost of positive energy,
we can listen to a song with an encouraging message, to music that uplifts. For sustained nourishment, we can read a book
or watch a movie that has a hopeful outcome. Filling your brain with positivity
will make optimism a more natural state for your brain.
Replace
negative thoughts. Maintaining
optimism requires vigilance. When you
catch yourself with a negative thought, put your brain on pause for long enough
to reframe the message you are telling yourself. How can you see that situation differently? By being more aware of the valence of our
thoughts and intentionally flipping the switch when negative notions creep in,
we retrain our brains toward positivity. Optimism becomes our modus operandi.
Focus
on the good in yourself and others. As coaches, we sometimes have a tendency to
dig for the deficits – the things that need changing. But it certainly helps our attitude if we
first find the good in a situation. If that situation is a lesson you’ve just
observed, building
on what went right can be a powerful coaching tool. It also strengthens relationships and
improves your own attitude. As we find
the good in people and situations and choose to make that our focus, our
outlook and attitude tend toward positivity.
Keeping on the sunny side of life is
good for you personally and good for your work as a coach. It’s an aspect of personal emotional
intelligence that needs continuous nourishment.
Educators have a job that requires emotional energy. As a leader, it’s important that you keep
your optimism quotient high!
*Chun, J. U., Litzky, B. E., Sosik, J. J.,
Bechtold, D. C., & Godshalk, V. M. (2010). Emotional intelligence and trust
in formal mentoring programs. Group & Organization Management, 35(4),
421-455.
This
week, you might want to take a look at:
This oldie-but-goodie about being
optimistic:
Ideas for wrapping up the school year:
Recognizing the miracles we work (and
their limits) at the end of the year:
How to
program your brain for positivity:
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
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