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You can find My Coaches Couch, the podcast (with different content) in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com.
“Humility is not thinking less of
yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.”
You can find My Coaches Couch, the podcast (with different content) in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com.
~C.S.
Lewis
Coaches are usually hired because they
have extensive knowledge and experience. The trust that is necessary for
coaching includes both relational trust and experiential trust. The teachers
you are working with need to feel seen and safe in your presence, and they also
need to feel that you are credible and that you believe they are, too.
Credibility comes from knowing that you are drawing from your own experience
and from your knowledge in the field. Teachers need to know they can trust any guidance
you might provide. So they have to know you know some things! However, your
confidence will be best received if it is quiet confidence paired with
curiosity and humility.
“Wait,” you might be wondering, “Can confidence
and humility co-exist?” The answer is, “Yes!” and they
should. The trick here is recognizing that confidence and humility are not two
ends of the same continuum, but rather the hoped-for ends of different continuums.*
Confidence and Humility
Yes, we can aim for confidence and humility at the same time. What we are avoiding is shame and pride.
Yes, we can aim for confidence and humility at the same time. What we are avoiding is shame and pride.
Confidence, however, does not equal
pride. They are not even on the same spectrum! Pride is ego and conceit. It is an
ostentatious display and puffed-up-edness. It will not serve us well as
coaches. The truly wise coach will recognize that keeping her ego in check is
necessary for developing and sustaining coaching relationships. Be a humble servant-leader.
Side-by-Side
Coaches are sometimes cautioned against spending time as the “helper” – the runner of copies, the orderer of supplies. While it’s true that coaches must guard their time and that direct work with teachers is most impactful, the quickest way I ever earned trust was stapling a border on a bulletin board.
When I was working as a district literacy coordinator, I was assigned to support teachers at a school that had just been labeled, “Turnaround,” meaning that if they didn’t turn things around, they’d be taken over. Needless to say, it was a tense environment! When I showed up for the first meeting, Elana, the instructional coach, welcomed me from atop a folding chair, where she was putting up a bulletin board. “What can I do to help?” I asked, knowing, like she did, that the superintendent would be making a “surprise” visit in about an hour. Between the two of us, we quickly finished the bulletin board, stapling up statements of district and school goals to greet school visitors. I noticed several teachers pause in their treks down the hall and look up at me, questioning. Later, Elana told me, “You won a lot of trust that way.” Rolling up my sleeves and stapling a few papers before the superintendent’s visit helped teachers feel that I was on their side, working with them, not on them.
Like my stance on the chair in the hall, coaching with confidence is a tenuous position: from confidence, we can too easily teeter to pride. If we go into conversations with our minds made up or with the idea that we need to impart wisdom, the door for dialogue and trust is shut. Instead, we can cultivate humility.
Sustaining Humility
Humility is a mindset about how we approach those we are working with. Are we stand-and-deliver directors or side-by-side partners? Humility establishes a productive horizontal stance with teachers, rather than a vertical, authoritative stance over them. We can acknowledge and draw on teachers’ expertise and experience while sharing our own.
In effective teacher-coach relationships, ideas flow easily both ways. Rather than jumping in to share our ideas first, though, in order to overcome biases about vertical leadership, as coaches, we may need to hold our ideas and talk later, so that teachers are encouraged to lead out with their own thoughts.
To move forward in a coaching cycle, I have to shift the focus from me and what I know to the teacher and what she knows. It’s not hard to make a recommendation when a teacher asks for support. It’s much harder to hold my tongue and instead of sharing my ideas, ask a question that allows a teacher to share hers. She doesn’t need to know how smart I am; she needs to know how smart she is. My questions can help her realize that she really does have answers.
If I ask, “What else have you been considering?” my question affirms the teacher as one who thoughtfully deliberates her decisions.
If I ask, “What did you notice about students’ thinking?” my question recognizes her thoughtful observations.
Questions like these that hold positive assumptions about teachers’ actions and abilities build teachers’ confidence and encourage ongoing use of the attributes that have been noted. This coaching move also sustains my humility as I see and acknowledge the wisdom of others.
Nurturing humility requires profound self-reflection, recognizing what we do not know and do not understand. We need the teacher to educate us about their own experience and the experiences of their students. As we listen deeply and interact empathically, we gain a better understanding of the teacher’s wisdom.
Sustaining Confidence
Beginning coaches, especially, might experience Imposter syndrome. We feel elevated responsibility because of our new role. Sometimes we want to demonstrate our authority or ability. But confidence in the coaching role doesn’t mean knowing everything; it means offering your knowledge with humility and genuine curiosity. When teachers feel both seen and respected, coaching partnerships flourish.
It can sometimes be hard to pull away from our own knowledge and experience. We have to mentally set aside the answer we would give so that we can care more about the teacher’s response.
A friend recently told me about her own child’s elementary school art teacher. Let’s call the child Emily and the art teacher Mrs. Bard. Emily was working on a drawing during art class, sketching it out with a pencil before applying paint. Mrs. Bart, wanting to teach about perspective, erased a line and redrew it at a different angle. The drawing was certainly improved in the process. When Emily brought the finished painting home, her mother praised the outcome. Emily responded, “It’s not my drawing, it Mrs. Bard’s.” Emily lost ownership of her own work through that erased and redrawn line.
I’ve cautioned against a similar practice during writing workshop. “Make sure the pen stays in the child’s hand,” I’ve said, wanting writing conferences to be meaningful for students. But I have sometimes been guilty of “stealing the pen” during a coaching conversation. Sometimes my comment erases a teacher’s valuable perspective, replacing it with my own view. Instead, we can grow confident in our role as coaches by seeing the fruits of our labors: improvement in practice growing from teachers’ own insights.
As coaches, it’s important to be confident about what we bring to the table, We can be confident that we are fulfilling our coaching role when we also acknowledge that others bring valid and valuable knowledge and experience. Coaching is a learning journey we undertake together.
Be a Co-Learner
You were hired as a coach because you have knowledge of content and pedagogy. You know how to teach effectively. Your job is to help others in their pursuits of improvement, and you have a lot to give. You know a lot, but you don’t know everything. Look to the teachers you are working with to find out what they know. They know about their students. They know about their class’s history. They know about themselves as teachers. That is a lot of knowing!
Coaching trust is built through a steady presence grounded in both experience and inquiry. When teachers sense that you truly see them, that you honor their work, and also that you bring hard-earned knowledge to your conversations, trust grows. It’s not about showcasing expertise; it’s about offering it with curiosity. Quiet confidence, paired with genuine curiosity, invites collaboration and deepens the coaching partnership.
How can you acknowledge that you are a learner, too? Your stance as co-learner is evident in your language: in how you make recommendations, in the types of questions you ask, and in the authenticity of your praise. We can say, “I wonder what would happen if…..” and truly wonder. We can ask, “Have you tried…..” because we want to know how past practice is informing present decisions. We can say, “That’s such a smart idea!” when it is!
Attributes like humility and confidence can make or break a coach’s work, even if she has all the right procedures in place. I’m working to grow these attributes myself, and I hope sharing these ideas will support you on your own personal journey. Humility and confidence are important attributes as we forge relationships and continue to develop our coaching identity.
Side-by-Side
Coaches are sometimes cautioned against spending time as the “helper” – the runner of copies, the orderer of supplies. While it’s true that coaches must guard their time and that direct work with teachers is most impactful, the quickest way I ever earned trust was stapling a border on a bulletin board.
When I was working as a district literacy coordinator, I was assigned to support teachers at a school that had just been labeled, “Turnaround,” meaning that if they didn’t turn things around, they’d be taken over. Needless to say, it was a tense environment! When I showed up for the first meeting, Elana, the instructional coach, welcomed me from atop a folding chair, where she was putting up a bulletin board. “What can I do to help?” I asked, knowing, like she did, that the superintendent would be making a “surprise” visit in about an hour. Between the two of us, we quickly finished the bulletin board, stapling up statements of district and school goals to greet school visitors. I noticed several teachers pause in their treks down the hall and look up at me, questioning. Later, Elana told me, “You won a lot of trust that way.” Rolling up my sleeves and stapling a few papers before the superintendent’s visit helped teachers feel that I was on their side, working with them, not on them.
Like my stance on the chair in the hall, coaching with confidence is a tenuous position: from confidence, we can too easily teeter to pride. If we go into conversations with our minds made up or with the idea that we need to impart wisdom, the door for dialogue and trust is shut. Instead, we can cultivate humility.
Sustaining Humility
Humility is a mindset about how we approach those we are working with. Are we stand-and-deliver directors or side-by-side partners? Humility establishes a productive horizontal stance with teachers, rather than a vertical, authoritative stance over them. We can acknowledge and draw on teachers’ expertise and experience while sharing our own.
In effective teacher-coach relationships, ideas flow easily both ways. Rather than jumping in to share our ideas first, though, in order to overcome biases about vertical leadership, as coaches, we may need to hold our ideas and talk later, so that teachers are encouraged to lead out with their own thoughts.
To move forward in a coaching cycle, I have to shift the focus from me and what I know to the teacher and what she knows. It’s not hard to make a recommendation when a teacher asks for support. It’s much harder to hold my tongue and instead of sharing my ideas, ask a question that allows a teacher to share hers. She doesn’t need to know how smart I am; she needs to know how smart she is. My questions can help her realize that she really does have answers.
If I ask, “What else have you been considering?” my question affirms the teacher as one who thoughtfully deliberates her decisions.
If I ask, “What did you notice about students’ thinking?” my question recognizes her thoughtful observations.
Questions like these that hold positive assumptions about teachers’ actions and abilities build teachers’ confidence and encourage ongoing use of the attributes that have been noted. This coaching move also sustains my humility as I see and acknowledge the wisdom of others.
Nurturing humility requires profound self-reflection, recognizing what we do not know and do not understand. We need the teacher to educate us about their own experience and the experiences of their students. As we listen deeply and interact empathically, we gain a better understanding of the teacher’s wisdom.
Sustaining Confidence
Beginning coaches, especially, might experience Imposter syndrome. We feel elevated responsibility because of our new role. Sometimes we want to demonstrate our authority or ability. But confidence in the coaching role doesn’t mean knowing everything; it means offering your knowledge with humility and genuine curiosity. When teachers feel both seen and respected, coaching partnerships flourish.
It can sometimes be hard to pull away from our own knowledge and experience. We have to mentally set aside the answer we would give so that we can care more about the teacher’s response.
A friend recently told me about her own child’s elementary school art teacher. Let’s call the child Emily and the art teacher Mrs. Bard. Emily was working on a drawing during art class, sketching it out with a pencil before applying paint. Mrs. Bart, wanting to teach about perspective, erased a line and redrew it at a different angle. The drawing was certainly improved in the process. When Emily brought the finished painting home, her mother praised the outcome. Emily responded, “It’s not my drawing, it Mrs. Bard’s.” Emily lost ownership of her own work through that erased and redrawn line.
I’ve cautioned against a similar practice during writing workshop. “Make sure the pen stays in the child’s hand,” I’ve said, wanting writing conferences to be meaningful for students. But I have sometimes been guilty of “stealing the pen” during a coaching conversation. Sometimes my comment erases a teacher’s valuable perspective, replacing it with my own view. Instead, we can grow confident in our role as coaches by seeing the fruits of our labors: improvement in practice growing from teachers’ own insights.
As coaches, it’s important to be confident about what we bring to the table, We can be confident that we are fulfilling our coaching role when we also acknowledge that others bring valid and valuable knowledge and experience. Coaching is a learning journey we undertake together.
Be a Co-Learner
You were hired as a coach because you have knowledge of content and pedagogy. You know how to teach effectively. Your job is to help others in their pursuits of improvement, and you have a lot to give. You know a lot, but you don’t know everything. Look to the teachers you are working with to find out what they know. They know about their students. They know about their class’s history. They know about themselves as teachers. That is a lot of knowing!
Coaching trust is built through a steady presence grounded in both experience and inquiry. When teachers sense that you truly see them, that you honor their work, and also that you bring hard-earned knowledge to your conversations, trust grows. It’s not about showcasing expertise; it’s about offering it with curiosity. Quiet confidence, paired with genuine curiosity, invites collaboration and deepens the coaching partnership.
How can you acknowledge that you are a learner, too? Your stance as co-learner is evident in your language: in how you make recommendations, in the types of questions you ask, and in the authenticity of your praise. We can say, “I wonder what would happen if…..” and truly wonder. We can ask, “Have you tried…..” because we want to know how past practice is informing present decisions. We can say, “That’s such a smart idea!” when it is!
Attributes like humility and confidence can make or break a coach’s work, even if she has all the right procedures in place. I’m working to grow these attributes myself, and I hope sharing these ideas will support you on your own personal journey. Humility and confidence are important attributes as we forge relationships and continue to develop our coaching identity.
*Thanks to life coach Jody Moore for these ideas.
This
week, you might want to take a look at:
Do
you have meeting overload?
https://www.smartbrief.com/original/a-guide-to-escaping-meeting-overload
Ideas for supporting students in the “fight-flight-freeze” zone:
https://www.teachingchannel.com/blog/fight-flight-freeze
Sponsoring intergenerational reading buddies:
https://www.edutopia.org/article/adult-reading-buddies-elementary-school
Multisensory learning and movement = learning that sticks (3 min. video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9RH8rVBglg&feature=youtu.be
Using kilo -- the traditional Hawaiian practice of intentional observation -- to boost focus, writing skills and environmental awareness:
https://www.smartbrief.com/original/kilo-learning-from-a-living-textbook
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press! I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: SEP2026 for 15% off. Click here and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues. I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!
https://www.smartbrief.com/original/a-guide-to-escaping-meeting-overload
Ideas for supporting students in the “fight-flight-freeze” zone:
https://www.teachingchannel.com/blog/fight-flight-freeze
Sponsoring intergenerational reading buddies:
https://www.edutopia.org/article/adult-reading-buddies-elementary-school
Multisensory learning and movement = learning that sticks (3 min. video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9RH8rVBglg&feature=youtu.be
Using kilo -- the traditional Hawaiian practice of intentional observation -- to boost focus, writing skills and environmental awareness:
https://www.smartbrief.com/original/kilo-learning-from-a-living-textbook
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press! I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: SEP2026 for 15% off. Click here and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues. I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!
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