What’s In A Name - when Coaching

Coaching works best with a gentle nudge. The difference between nudging and pushing often comes down to language. Especially if we’re offering a recommendation, the way we use words can completely change how coaching is received, And one of the most valued words a teacher has is their name.
 
Why Names Matter
A person’s name is one of the strongest identifiers they carry. It’s tied to our sense of self, our identity, even our self-worth. Our names are gifts—sometimes inherited, sometimes reinvented, but always deeply personal. They represent who we are and who we hope to be recognized as.
 
Because of that, there’s a lot of power in using someone’s name. And how we use it matters. Many of us can remember that moment from childhood when hearing our full name—first, middle, and last—meant trouble (Alissa Marie Stewart, get over here!). But in conversation, a name can also send a softer, more affirming message. Including someone’s name can say, “You matter to me.” In coaching, it adds an even deeper layer: “I care about you and your work.”
 
How Name Placement Shapes Emotion
Over time, I’ve noticed that where we place a person’s name in a sentence—either spoken or written—can subtly change the emotional tone.
 
Placing the name at the beginning of a sentence sounds like a call for attention. It can feel directive or demanding:
“Vicki, I’m wondering if you’ve thought about…”
 
But embedding the name in the middle, or ending with the person’s name, softens the message:
“I’m wondering, Vicki, if you’ve thought about…”
 
It feels different, doesn’t it? More personal. More connected. The shift is subtle but meaningful — moving from “I’m getting your attention” to “I’m recognizing you.”
 
It’s All in the Details
If you’re thinking this feels a bit picky, you’re right. It is. But coaches work with language every day, and our words are our primary tools. Because of that, the nuances matter. A name is personal. Let’s use it thoughtfully, with care for the person hearing it.
 
 
*******************************************************************************************
Did you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? (with different content) Find it in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com
 
*******************************************************************************************
 
This week, you might want to take a look at:

This podcast episode debunks 6 myths about English Learners:
 
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep241-6-myths-about-english-language-learners-i-wish/id954139712?i=1000540288582
 
AI for teachers but not students?
 
https://www.edutopia.org/article/why-students-should-not-use-ai
 
 
How a Sarah Bareilles song inspires writers to be brave:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/supporting-brave-writers/
 
 
Discipline-specific literacy strategies:
 
https://www.edutopia.org/article/how-to-work-literacy-instruction-into-all-content-areas
 
 
Teaching students to self-monitor their behavior:
 
http://www.responsiveclassroom.org/teaching-children-to-check-their-own-behavior/
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!