Coaching with a Gentle Nudge

Change is hard, so sometimes we need a nudge to make it happen.  We may lack confidence, courage, or motivation to try new things of which we are capable, but a nudge can get us moving in the right direction. When coaching, recommendations work best when they feel like a gentle nudge rather than an edict.
 
Aking permission is one way to make a recommendation feel more nudge-like. We might say, “Do you mind if I share some ideas with you?” or ““Can I share my experience?” Even though the teacher is very unlikely to say “no,” somehow, the asking makes a difference. It seems to open the way.
 
A recommendation is more nudge-like, too, if it’s a small step rather than a giant one. When I met with a teacher who truly wanted to improve the whole-group discussions in her classroom, I realized that small steps were needed. Tasha was committed, but she had a lot of work to do to improve classroom discussions. I felt that if I shared all the things I’d been thinking about in terms of improving class discussions, Tasha would become overwhelmed. What she needed were small steps to move her in the right direction. So I suggested a very concrete idea: Rather than suggesting something to do, my first recommendation was something to avoid. Working on not doing something seemed much easier than working on doing something.
 
So, I said, “Do you think you could totally do away with the sentence stem, ‘Who can raise their hand and tell me?” To hand-raise or not to hand-raise wasn’t the issue here. But Tasha’s habitual question-starter seemed to turn off students’ brains – they seemed to be thinking, “This question doesn’t have to be for me if I don’t raise my hand.” So, rather than suggesting that Tasha work on getting all students engaged in the thinking, it felt more manageable to work on eliminating these eight words. It was a small step, and I could tell by the way Tasha’s face lit up that she felt confident she could do it. There were many small steps on Tasha’s journey to improved classroom discussion, but this gentle nudge got her moving in the right direction.
 
A nudge is an invitation, a tender prompt forward. Pushing, on the other hand, usually doesn’t work. To push is to “press against with force.”  That doesn’t sound very nice, does it? When someone pushes against me with force, I’ve noticed that I have a tendency to push back. It seems like the natural way to keep my equilibrium. If I don’t offer some resistance, I might topple over from the force. 
But a nudge allows me to keep my footing. I’m not going to fall, I’m just going to move forward. To nudge is to touch gently or urge into action. A nudge is a recommendation loaded with assurance. Pete Carroll said, “Each person holds so much power within themselves that needs to be let out. Sometimes they just need a little nudge, a little direction, a little support, a little coaching, and the greatest things can happen.”*  He was talking about football, but instructional coaches can unlock power, too.
 
A nudge is likely to be received gracefully and with appreciation. A pushy recommendation is likely to be met with pushback rather than change. Take a moment and reflect on who might need a nudge to take that next positive step – something you know they are capable of doing, but they may not. Being a pusher can be tiresome and unproductive, but being a nudger is something to aspire to!
 
Asking permission and naming small steps are two ways to make recommendations nudge-like. The difference between nudging and pushing is a matter of language. Our ways with words make a big difference in how a recommendation is received.
 
*247sports, n.d.
 
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Did you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? (with different content) Find it in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com
 
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This week, you might want to take a look at:

Video analysis as a coaching tool:
 
https://www.teachingchannel.com/free-videos/
 
 
Why writing instruction matters more than ever in an AI-driven world:
 
https://districtadministration.com/opinion/why-writing-still-matters-teaching-human-skills-in-an-ai-powered-world/
 
 
Perfectionism or perseverance? It shows up even in kindergarten:
 
https://ccira.blog/2025/09/22/ice-cream-penguins-and-other-thoughts-on-the-growth-mindset/
 
 
Using tech to help students learn from one another:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/the-good-part-of-tech/
Nonverbal communication in the classroom:
 
https://www.teachingchannel.com/blog/nonverbal-communication-in-your-classroom
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!