Avoid “You Should”-ing

The small and simple words used during coaching impact a teachers’ sense of self as a knowledgeable professional. When making a recommendation, choosing words that have a kinder, gentler feel can make a big difference in how the suggestion is taken up. When I say, “I’m wondering how a Venn diagram would work in this lesson,” it is an invitation for the teacher I’m working with to consider this tool. “You should use a Venn diagram instead of that chart,” would not be received nearly so well. 
 
In a coaching conversation, you’ll want to avoid evaluative words like “good” and “bad” and harsh modal verbs like “should” and “must.” “Might” and “may,” their kinder cousins, are better received, and show that our views are tentative and awaiting consideration. “You should make sure everyone is listening before you begin,” sounds like a command. Saying, “Something that has worked for me is using a focus signal before giving instruction,” feels like there is an idea being offered. Providing a menu of options is another way to avoid “you should-ing.”
 
Saying, “Some things you might want to consider…..” offers the teacher agency to think through what was offered. By providing multiple suggestions, we increase choice.
 
Offering choice develops feelings of power and efficacy. These are important aspects to consider if our coaching seeks to gradually increase teachers’ responsibility. Being asked to make a decision rather than being told what to do is an encouraging approach that exhibits trust in the teacher’s ability.
 
Another benefit of offering choice is that it usually increases motivation. For example, when a teacher chooses among options presented for enhancing class discussion, she is more vested in making her self-selected option work.
 
It’s also helpful to include your own conjectures and curiosities about possible instructional choices. Beginning with the words, “I wonder” or “What if…” demonstrates your openness and interest.
 
“What if students generated their own questions before reading?”
 
“What if Marisol was in a group with other emerging bilinguals?”
 
Making recommendations can be an effective coaching move, especially when the teacher is looking for guidance. By avoiding evaluative words, offering choice, and approaching the conversation with curiosity, coaches increase the likelihood that their suggestions will be well received and impact student learning.
 
This week, you might want to take a look at:
 
Summer professional growth ideas for instructional coaches:
 
https://simplycoachingandteaching.com/blog/2021/06/16/summer-professional-development/
 
Build trust with teachers through clear expectations:
 
https://barkleypd.com/blog/building-trust-with-expectations/
 
Using the 3-2-1 learning strategy for critical thinking:
 
http://bity.ly/3vSA0cl
 
Responding to touch emails from families:
 
http://www.teachingchannel.com/blog/emailing-families
 
 
Coaching teachers’ mindsets:
 
http://www.ascd.org/ascd-express/vol16/num10/mindset-coaching-for-mental-health.aspx
 
That’s it for this week.  Happy Coaching!
 
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What’s in a Name?

The most identifying word any person has is her name. Names are important to our sense of self. Names are linked to identities, and identities to self-worth. Our names are gifted to us by our parents (sometimes reinvented by ourselves or others). Names are who we are and who we wish to be recognized as. 
 
Because a name is so personal, there’s a lot of power in using it, and how we use it makes a difference. We’ve all heard someone say that, when they were a child, if their parent used their full name (first, middle, last), they knew they were in trouble! When using a person’s name in conversation, we can also send a gentler message. Including their name subtly says, “You are an important individual to me.” Using that personal label in a coaching conversation can say, “I care about you and your work.” This summer, you may not have coaching conversations, but you can notice in other situations the power of using a name.
 
I’ve noticed that when we use a name while coaching makes a difference in the emotion that is stirred and the way our comments are received. The simple difference of where we place a person’s name in a sentence (written or spoken) changes the emotional impact.
 
Placing a name at the beginning of a sentence feels like a call for the person’s attention. It has undertones of demand (“Vicki, I’m wondering if you’ve thought about……”). If we embed the name in the sentence, or end the sentence with their name, there’s a certain softness to it. (I’m wondering, Vicki, if you’ve thought about….) It feels different, somehow, like we are connecting with that individual at a personal level. The placement of the name can shift the tone: from, “I’m getting your attention,” to “I am noticing and naming you as a person.”
 
If you’re thinking I’m getting pretty picky here – well, I am.  Words matter. A lot. They are the primary tool of the coach, so it behooves us to use them well. Nuances of use make a difference. A name is a personal thing. Let’s be thoughtful about how we use it.
 
This week, you might want to take a look at:
 
Summer self-care for teachers:
 
https://www.teachingchannel.com/blog/summer-self-care
 
 
The case for coaches in professional learning communities:
 
https://www.allthingsplc.info/blog/view/362/the-case-for-coaches-in-professional-learning-communities
 
Helping teachers work smarter together:
 
https://ccira.blog/2018/02/13/how-to-help-teachers-work-smarter-together/
 
Music and mindfulness for stress reduction:
 
https://drumhelper.com/blog/music-and-mindfulness-for-stress-reduction/
 
Effective teacher-to-teacher communication:
 
https://www.thoughtco.com/the-importance-of-effective-teacher-to-teacher-communication-3194691
 
That’s it for this week.  Happy Coaching!
 
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Follow on Facebook at: facebook.com/mycoachescouch or Twitter @vscollet for more coaching and teaching tips!  You can also find me at VickiCollet.com
 
 

 

 

Gentle Nudge

We may lack confidence, courage, or motivation to try new things of which we are capable, but a nudge can get us moving in the right direction. Recommendations work best when they feel like a gentle nudge rather than an edict.

Language plays a huge role in coaching, and how that language is received makes the difference in coaching’s effectiveness. Hayakawa, in his book, Language in Thought and Action, said, “To be concerned with the relation between words and what they stand for in the hearer’s thoughts and emotions is to approach the study of language as both an intellectual and a moral discipline.” Effective coaching benefits from a careful study of language. The how of a recommendation is just as important as the what. A gentle nudge is an invitation, a tender prod forward. Pushing, on the other hand, usually doesn’t work. To push is to “press against with force.”  That doesn’t sound very nice, does it? When someone pushes against me with force, I’ve noticed that I have a tendency to push back. It seems like the natural way to keep my equilibrium. If I don’t offer some resistance, I might topple over from the force. 

But a nudge allows me to keep my footing. I’m not going to fall, I’m just going to move forward. To nudge is to touch gently or urge into action.  A nudge is a recommendation loaded with assurance.  Pete Carroll said, “Each person holds so much power within themselves that needs to be let out. Sometimes they just need a little nudge, a little direction, a little support, a little coaching, and the greatest things can happen.”  He was talking about football, but instructional coaches can similarly unlock power. A coach might:

·       Urge teachers to work together on a problem of practice.

·       Suggest a book that could offer insight.

·       Encourage a teacher to present at a staff meeting.

·       Ask a teacher to let peers observe in her classroom.

·       Offer leadership opportunities to others.

·       Inspire teachers to try new approaches.

·       Reassure an unconfident teacher that she can manage the new technology.

A nudge is likely to be received gracefully and with appreciation. A pushy recommendation is likely to be met with pushback rather than change. Take a moment and reflect on who might need a nudge to take that next positive step – something you know they are capable of doing, but they may not. Being a pusher can be tiresome and unproductive, but being a nudger – well, that’s something to aspire to!

The difference between nudging and pushing is a matter of language. Our ways with words make a big difference in how a recommendation is received. And one of teachers’ most valued words is their name.  

This week, you might want to take a look at:

Empathy statements for responding to difficult teacher comments:

https://barkleypd.com/blog/how-might-a-coach-respond/

 

This podcast about using songs to teach:

https://www.teachingchannel.com/podcast

 

Videos from published authors about peer feedback:

https://www.authortoauthor.org/peer-conferring-videos/

 

Tips for transitioning from teacher to coach:

https://www.teachingchannel.com/blog/transition-teacher-coach

Using shared writing in middle school: 

https://choiceliteracy.com/article/using-shared-writing-to-build-argument-skills/

That’s it for this week.  Happy Coaching!

Was this helpful?  Please share!

Want to know about new posts? Click “Follow” (bottom right)

Follow on Facebook at: facebook.com/mycoachescouch or Twitter @vscollet for more coaching and teaching tips!  You can also find me at VickiCollet.com