Coaches, Fix Your Face

The last couple of weeks, I’ve been doing lots of classroom observations. I love feeling the energy and presence of the students, whether it’s kindergartners or high-schoolers. Observation has refilled my educator soul. It has also given me lots of opportunities to fix my face.
 
Here’s what I mean. When I’m observing in a classroom, I get super-focused on the details. I want to take it all  in – and there’s a lot to take in! I am watching and listening to both the teacher and the students. I am scanning the walls and the floors, noticing the charts and the assignment that just fell under the desk. All this while taking mad notes that I can refer to later. It’s a lot! And sometimes my face shows it.
 
Even though I can’t see myself, I can feel the sternness of my expression as I focus. Inside I’m feeling energized and happy, but my face – well, it is so focused that the inner smile (or not) doesn’t make it to the surface. Whether the lesson is rolling along smoothly or has hit a wall, though, it will serve me, the teacher, and the students best if I fix my face and wear a pleasant expression.
 
You’re Not Invisible
 
Even though I try to slip into the classroom quietly without causing a stir, and I usually sit quietly out-of-the-way without interfering, my presence is felt in the classroom. This week, I saw lots of sideways glances from students. When I had a smile, they softened; sometimes they returned the smile, but always their brow relaxed. This was also true of teachers. Usually, they were trying to ignore me and go about their business of attending to students, but they knew I was there. They felt me in the room. And there were furtive glances to check in on me. If I didn’t look pleasant, they felt they had cause to worry. Even though we’d established that these were not evaluative observations, teachers can’t help but feel judged when someone is watching. So I needed to keep reminding myself to fix my face.
 
Your Face is Feedback
 
When teachers or students take that quick look at you during a lesson observation, your face is feedback. A furrowed brow or clenched jaw, even if it came from just thinking hard, could unintentionally signal trouble. It interrupts the lesson’s flow, just a bit, if teacher or students pause to think, “What is going on here?” Even a straight face can read as judgment.
 
A relaxed expression or smile, on the other hand, reads as, “I’m here to learn with you.” A pleasant face offers psychological safety. It offers calm (even if there is a bit of chaos!). For the coaching relationship, a pleasant face maintains trust. It reduces potential performance anxiety.  
 
Students, too, take cues from body language. They are attuned to the emotional signals being sent. If the coach looks tense, they may feel uneasy or distracted. They become guarded. But a pleasant expression supports student engagement, allowing you to see what you came to see – an authentic learning experience.
 
Outward Impacts Inward
 
An interesting, scientifically-proven fact is that when we smile, we begin to feel happier. There must be some muscle connection between the brain and the upturned lips! Our outward expression shapes our inward posture. Wiping off a frown can improve our disposition and enhance our curiosity. And curiosity, of course, is an important coaching mindset!
 
Softening your face during an observation can soften your stance, too. Judgement is released as jaws are unclenched. Instead of evaluation or frustration, we can recognize nuance and opportunities for learning – for the students, the teacher, and ourselves.
 
Partnership, Not Perfection
 
Because a soft face signals curiosity, it enhances partnership. We don’t expect perfection in any lesson, and our face should acknowledge that. There’s a whole range of teaching moments, and we’re there for all of them. We expect complexity. Say it when you have a chance, and show it in your face. This message matters, especially when working with teachers who are still building their confidence.
 
When a coach’s expression is open, it conveys alliance – we are in this together. We nonverbally communicate cohesion and respect. We trust the teacher’s professionalism, even when things aren’t going as planned. A coach’s soft expression helps the teacher stay present in the moment, thinking about their instruction and their students’ response to it. We are in it together. We are engaged in shared inquiry of practice.
 
When observing, you are collecting experiences that will later be reflected on collaboratively. This observation is not a silent evaluation, it is a shared experience that will allow you to learn together during later conversations. A welcoming face maintains partnership.
 
Keep Fixing Your Face
 
Because coaches want to take in everything, our faces can sometimes harden. It isn’t an intentional judgement – it’s a physical response to intense focus. That’s why we may need to keep fixing our face throughout a classroom observation. When I fix my face, I send the message that I am honoring the complexity of teaching and learning.
 
My face communicates the kind of coach I intend to be. When I manage my expression, I can signal respect, curiosity, and shared ownership of the work. A calm, pleasant expression supports students, reassures the teacher, and keeps me oriented toward partnership rather than judgment.
 
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Did you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? (with different content) Find it in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com
 
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This week, you might want to take a look at:

Use priming language to set the stage for learning:
 
https://www.edutopia.org/article/using-priming-words-engage-students
 
 
Help students find ideas by (re)connecting with the actual, physical world:
 
https://ccira.blog/2025/12/15/writing-ideas-keeping-it-real/
 
 
Ideas for indoor recess:
 
https://www.learnersedge.com/blog/fresh-ideas-for-indoor-recess
 
 
Conversations after finishing a read aloud:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/whole-class-conversations-for-read-aloud-closure/
 
 
Ways to say “Thank You” to teachers:
 
https://www.mshouser.com/instructional-coaching/a-few-ways-to-say-thank-you-to-teachers
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: JAN2026 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!
 

Narrow the Focus: Coaching for Portable Practices

This week, I saw the power of getting specific during a coaching conversation. Specificity grounds the work in practice. Naming concrete moments helps teachers uncover their decision making and understand why something worked (or didn’t). And specifics are portable – teachers can carry them forward into future lessons. Ironically, getting specific makes effective teaching moves more generalizable. That’s why the questions I asked Patricia during our coaching work this week drew from consecutively narrower and narrower slices of teaching.
 
Patricia is a novice 1^st-grade teacher, and it was my first time to observe her class, I wanted to get off on the right foot, so after we got settled, I asked, “Thinking back on that lesson, where did you see the most learning happen?” I felt that asking for a success would be a positive launch for our conversation.
 
Patricia paused and thought back on the lesson she had just taught, on using Elkonin boxes to recognize graphemes (letter representations of sounds – that day it was “ai” and “ay”). After a pause, Patricia said she felt the independent practice was most beneficial part of the lesson. Our viewfinder was getting narrower, but being even more specific about the lesson could offer more insight.
 
“What did you see during independent practice that showed they were learning?” was my next question. More specific. Patricia responded by saying she noticed that some students were initially putting one letter in each box (not accurate for the “ai” and “ay” combos), but later she saw fewer students making that mistake.
 
“What helped them recognize that?” was my next question (more specific still!).
 
Patricia replied that she asked students about the sounds in the words.
 
 “Can you think of a specific student who you talked with and how that conversation went?” I asked.
 
Patricia named a student and said she’d asked, “How many sounds in that word?” She described how the student had said the word slowly, counting the sounds, and then realized the mistake he’d made with the Elkonin (sound) boxes.
 
Next, I asked what seemed to support that student’s learning. Patricia paused and said, “I think that he figured it out when he was able to verbalize his own thinking,” Now there was a generalizable nugget! Because of this insight, Patricia decided to include opportunities for students to verbalize their thinking as a predictable part of lesson closure. Going from broad to specific in our coaching conversation led to an approach that worked for Patricia’s students.
 
Coaching questions that focus are like turning the lens on a fancy camera – Zooming in to get at the tiny details. Asking questions that narrow the focus supports the teacher’s responses and guides them based on their own problem-solving pattern.
 
Working from broad to narrow recognizes that teaching practice is complex and worthy of close attention. Coaches can ask questions that iteratively increase specificity in ways that invite reflection, analysis, and possibility. Rather than offering generic advice, the coach communicates: Your choices matter, and they’re worth examining carefully. As I noticed this week with Patricia, narrowing the focus can keep the conversation anchored in the teacher’s own thinking and instructional choices,
 
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Did you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? (with different content) Find it in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com
 
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This week, you might want to take a look at:

What makes teacher learning impactful?
 
https://www.edsurge.com/news/2025-12-10-why-i-can-t-pretend-teacher-learning-doesn-t-matter-anymore
 
 
NCTE’s student writing awards are open!
 
https://ncte.org/awards/student-writing-awards/
 
This podcast episode with strategies to help students develop self-awareness:
 
https://www.bamradionetwork.com/track/six-strategies-to-help-students-develop-self-awareness-and-self-reflection-skills/
 
 
Prioritizing self care:
 
https://www.teachingchannel.com/blog/teacher-self-care
 
Teachers as risk-takers:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/take-a-chance/
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: JAN2026 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!
 

Coaches, Keep Your Head Where Your Feet Are

Recently, when I was talking with my friend Jean Hill, who is an amazing middle school instructional coach, I asked her, “When you’re having a coaching conversation, how do you keep your questions authentic?”
 
Jean said, “The best way I ground myself in keeping my questions authentic is to keep my mind where my feet are in that moment.”
 
“Keep my mind where my feet are”--- that idea has stayed with me.
 
Jean pointed out that, as coaches, we are most effective when we are responsive to the conversation. Being responsive keeps our questions and comments relevant and authentic. And we can only be responsive when we are truly present – when are mind is where our feet are.  
 
Being truly present is a gift to the teachers we are working with. Maybe that’s why it’s called being present. Presence is not passive; it is an active, intentional way of being with another person. It is a choice to offer our full attention, curiosity, and care in a moment that matters.
 
This week, I was in a training with a wonderful presenter. He was knowledgeable and engaging, friendly and fully-present himself. And yet, I struggled sometimes to be present because of the worries in my head – the classes starting Monday that I’m not ready for, the growing pileup of email in my inbox, and the long list of other tasks to be completed. I occasionally picked up my phone when there was a topic I was already familiar with, only to find I’d lost the train of thought being presented when I glanced up seconds later after deleting an email or two. And I began to feel increasingly rude and guilty about not being fully present. He deserved it, and I deserved it, too. If I was going to be there, pulling myself away from other duties at the beginning of the semester, it might as well be for good purpose. If I missed the chance to plan and missed the chance to refresh my understanding during the training, I was really missing out. I made an intentional shift to being present.
 
When coaches make classroom observations, our presence extends beyond the teacher to include students as well. We are tuned in to what we hear, see, and feel in the room. We notice patterns, interactions, and moments of learning—and we also consider what teachers and students might be hearing, seeing, and feeling. Presence helps us hold multiple perspectives at once without rushing to conclusions.
 
During coaching conversations, being present means giving full attention to what is happening in the right now. When present, our brains focus on what is currently going on rather than thinking about what we will say or do later – the now instead of the next. When coaches are present, they listen to understand. They don’t interrupt. They don’t begin rehearsing their response while a teacher is still talking. Instead, they tune in completely to the teacher’s words and ideas. They listen for meaning and attend to the tone and volume those words are wrapped in. They notice pauses, hesitations, and emphasis. They are aware of non-verbals, recognizing the complete message that is being communicated. They build in pauses so that they can fully attend in the moment instead of thinking ahead. They listen to understand instead of listening to respond.
 
Being present means observing with clarity and from a place of positive assumptions and empathy. Presence allows us to choose how we perceive—to lean toward openness and generosity rather than judgment or urgency. We notice teachers’ questions and quandaries, and we stay curious about what those questions might be pointing toward. We sense whether teachers are engaged, energized, uncertain, or overwhelmed, and we adjust the conversation as needed.
 
As I prepare for coaching conversations that are held in the midst of a busy day, I often set an alarm on my phone for when the conversation needs to end so that I can make it to the next thing on my calendar. I did that because it helps me be fully present in the situation rather than regularly checking to see whether I need to move on. But a comment from a coachee made me realize I need to be explicit about my intent. She jokingly said something about Dr. Collet and her alarms, and I realized she felt they were dismissive, sending the message, “I’m done with you!” My plan for being fully present had left her feeling just the opposite. Once I shared my why, she had an “aha” moment, but her comment had given me my own. The signals I design for myself might be misconstrued by others. When I name presence as a shared value, and explain my own process, we can all practice presence. Because being present does, of course, take practice.
 
Coaching is cognitively and emotionally demanding, and it can be hard to stay present when many concerns are swirling in our heads. To be more fully present, we may need to do less multitasking and deliberately slow a frenetic pace. Creating breathing space—before and during coaching conversations—helps us stay focused and aware. When our minds wander, we can gently pull ourselves back by grounding in our senses: noticing what we see, hear, and feel in the moment.
 
Presence stems from full attention and the flow of information. When we are present, our next right move is responsive to the person and the situation in front of us, rather than driven by habit or agenda. When coaches are present, boundaries collapse, creating opportunities for connection and growth.
 
 
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Did you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? (with different content) Find it in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com
 
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This week, you might want to take a look at:
This podcast about responsiveness:
 
https://www.classroomcaffeine.com/guests/kevin-leander
 
 
Story acting builds community and literacy knowledge:
 
https://www.edutopia.org/article/implementing-story-acting-with-young-learners
 
 
Suggestions for hosting memorable reading and writing events:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/hosting-reading-and-writing-events/
 
 
Alternatives to lab reports (and a structure that could work in any academic context):
 
https://www.edutopia.org/article/get-creative-lab-report-alternatives
 
 
Becoming better:
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgXbq0B-gOc&list=PLu-yqAdP0Ug0AKOH4a9MgMW-jfARaybar&index=2
 
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: PLIVIRTUAL for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

Coaching for Hope

The new year is freshly before us, but before moving forward, I want to pause and reflect on how my word for 2025 – hope – has shown up in my thinking and doing, and to give you the chance to consider how it has shown up in yours.

 
When 2025 started, hope for me was optimism. It was anticipation and expectation. It was having a positive outlook. Hope was kind of a cross-your-fingers-and-see-what-happens kind of feeling. But that quickly changed to a roll-up-your-sleeves-and-make-it-happen kind of hope.
 
Podcaster Emily P. Freeman calls this participatory hope. It’s different from blow-out-the-candles-and-make-a-wish anticipatory hope, which is fragile and outside of our control. Participatory hope is agentive and active.
 
This hard-work hope is what we do as coaches. In last January’s initial post on choosing hope, I offered steps for a teachers’ pathway to hope: selecting a goal, considering possible ways of getting there, and taking action. In another post, I described what this path looks like for students, and how teachers can guide students along a hopeful path.
 
Whether that positive path is being pursued by teachers or by students (or by both concurrently), coaches can support persistence and offer assurance, boosting hope. In the process, we boost our own.
 
Hope builds a solutions mindset in coaching conversations. It strengthens our perseverance. Hope fuels curiosity, reinforcing the belief that small, intentional actions can shape what comes next. As we think together, we can build a sense of possibility. Optimism and a can-do attitude create contagious confidence. They encourage resilience and a desire for continuous improvement. Hope is a compass that orients us toward growth.
 
As I step into 2026, I’ll choose a new word as a guide, but I plan to hold onto hope – the active, participatory kind that gets things done. After all, that is what coaches do – one hopeful conversation at a time.
 
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Did you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? (with different content) Find it in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com
 
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This week, you might want to take a look at:

The important difference between sound and noise:

 
https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/58835/how-the-difference-between-sound-and-noise-can-influence-our-ability-to-learn
 
 
Movement supports phonics instruction (short video & description):
 
https://www.edutopia.org/video/adding-movement-to-phonics-instruction
 
 
Offering choice when reading a required text:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/honoring-student-choice-in-a-teacher-chosen-text/
 

This podcast about responsiveness:
 
https://www.classroomcaffeine.com/guests/kevin-leander
 
 
A 30-min. webinar about the complexities of working with adults:
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3mWpdVDIOY&feature=youtu.be
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNS25 for 20% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

My Coaches Couch: Best of 2025

As 2025 draws to a close, let’s look back at the most-viewed posts of the year so that you can revisit or discover the content that has drawn the most attention. Here’s the My Coaches Couch 2025 Top 10, in count-down fashion (each post is linked):
 
Let’s get started with the #10 spot!
 
#10. Unearthing Expectations
This post considers hidden expectations teachers have that students may be unaware of and how learning could be increased if teachers made these expectations more explicit.
 
#9. From Data to Action
Instructional coaches help teachers make sense of mountains of assessment data. This post includes structures for exploring assessment results together. Examples of protocols for determining the root cause are described, including the fishbone analysis, the 5 Whys protocol, and the protocol for examining data. Although this August post (and others in the series – see #6, below) described beginning-of-year assessment analysis, they work equally well for considering mid-year data.
 
#8. Sparking Interdependence in Coaching
Interdependence between teacher and coach creates kinetic energy: energy due to movement. This post gives examples and suggestions for collaboration that sparks ideas that wouldn’t be created otherwise.
 
#7. Instructional Coaching Rhythms
Somehow, we’ve come to think of the work we do with teachers as coaching cycles. But what if, instead, we thought of coaching rhythms? Sometimes, our work does have a clear beginning, middle, and end that includes setting a specific goal, measuring progress, and celebrating when the target is reached. But coaching also offers opportunities to be flexible and opportunistic, adjusting in response to the teacher.  
 
#6. Protocols for Scaling the Assessment Data Mountain
Part of the series described in the #9 spot, this post describes the Chalk Talk and Realms of Concern/Influence protocols for finding solutions once root causes have been identified. The posts that followed include additional protocols. The next post described Chalk Talk and Realms of Concern/Influence, followed by a post with the Peeling the Onion, Wagon Wheels, and Affinity Mapping protocols that can support next steps, and finally, a post with additional supports for finding data-supported solutions. Like the protocols described in #9, these posts work equally well for considering mid-year data.
 
#5. Coaching for Teacher Agency
Teacher agency is a cornerstone of effective and sustainable teaching, and coaches can inspire teachers to take ownership of their practices and helping them navigate the demands of the education system.
 
#4. Coaching with a Gentle Nudge
When coaching, recommendations work best when they feel like a gentle nudge rather than an edict. This post offers insights into how the words we choose impact coaching outcomes.
 
3. 10 Things Instructional Coaches Should Know and Do
The 5 things to for coaches to know and 5 things to do described in this post help teachers strengthen their practice and sustain their energy for teaching.
 
2. “What do you want to do more of?”
The coaching question, “What do you want to do more of?” can spark a productive coaching conversation, often one that builds on teachers’ strengths.
 
Drum roll, please! The most-viewed 2025 post was:
 
1. Try This at Home: Ask & Listen
This summertime post encouraged coaches to practice a skill that could carry over into coaching work - being fully present in conversations. The post includes conversational prompts to deepen relationships, invite openness, and create space for new insights to emerge.
 
I hope you’ll take the opportunity to peruse some of these posts as 2025 draws to a close and we amp up for the year ahead.
 
This week, you might want to take a look at:

Staying focused and keeping your leadership passion alive:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/staying-focused-how-leaders-can-keep-their-passion-for-literacy-alive/
 
 
A 1-minute video for students that describes a concrete approach to short constructed responses (the R-A-C-E strategy):
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rXZr7n5qtE
A short video about the value of plants in the classroom😊(check out January houseplant sales!):
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBIQDu5b5uM
 
 
Shifting from trauma-informed care to healing-centered engagement:
 
https://medium.com/@ginwright/the-future-of-healing-shifting-from-trauma-informed-care-to-healing-centered-engagement-634f557ce69c
 
Supports for student-led discussions:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/better-student-led-literature-discussions/
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNS25 for 20% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

 

Celebration: A Pause Worth Taking

As we head into winter break, coaches are finally exhaling. Inboxes have quieted and the pace is changing. Once the final gifts are tucked away – and before we rush toward planning, goal-setting, or fixing the unfinished, let’s take a beat and pause to celebrate.
 
Not public or performative; just satisfied noticing.
 
Celebration helps us make meaning of our work. It helps us remember what matters. And it can quietly shape how we re-enter schools in January.
 
Celebrating the Work You Did
This break is a good time stop and celebrate yourself for:
*Where you showed up consistently, even when it was hard,
*When coaching conversations aligned with your values,
*Risks that paid off,
*Noticings that made a difference.
 
Journaling could be your private celebration, or you could talk things through with a listening partner or just hold them in your heart for a second.
 
Choosing What to Carry Forward
Celebration can also be forward-looking. As you reflect, you may notice practices worth protecting:
 
Consider:
*A question you asked that opened conversations
*A way you made teachers’ strengths visible
*A moment when you chose affirmation
 
Naming these now increases the likelihood that they show up again—not by accident, but by intention.
 
Planting Seeds for January
In January, we can carry celebration practices back to school with us. It doesn’t need to be showy or time-consuming to be meaningful.
 
In January, you might begin coaching conversations by asking teachers to:
*Celebrate what they tried,
*Celebrate where they persisted,
*Celebrate when they were responsive.
 
These moments build teachers’ confidence and clarity—two things that matter.
 
Celebration is a coaching practice that shapes identity, energy, and growth.
When we begin the new year grounded in what’s already working, we move forward more purposefully.
 
Celebration is a pause worth taking.
 
For more ideas about celebrating, including public and private, individual and school-wide celebrations, be sure to check out episode 13 of My Coaches Couch, the podcast when it drops on December 30! (also available in your podcast app).
 
This week, you might want to take a look at:

Leadership without leaving the classroom:
 
https://www.edsurge.com/news/2025-10-15-how-i-found-leadership-without-leaving-the-classroom
 
 
Teach reading, not books:
 
https://www.middleweb.com/47929/what-kids-gain-when-we-dont-teach-books/
 
 
First grade family history inquiry project (with meaningful technology integration):
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/family-history-inquiry-project-integrating-technology-with-social-studies-in-first-grade/
 
 
Tips on having influence that are just right for coaches:
 
http://jenniferabrams.com/what-not-to-do-if-you-want-to-be-more-influential/
 
 
A quick video about vocabulary instruction in science:
 
https://www.amnh.org/explore/curriculum-collections/integrating-literacy-strategies-into-science-instruction/vocabulary-instruction
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! This month, you can use the code: DEC2025 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

 
 

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Soft Words for Coaching

As a coach, it’s not the fancy words that matter. Little words matter more than you might imagine. Choosing words with a gentler feel can make a meaningful difference in how our ideas are received—and whether those thoughts move from idea to action.
 
Saying, “I’m wondering how a Venn diagram might work in this lesson,” offers an invitation. The teacher I’m working with is free to consider the tool, adapt it, or set it aside. On the other hand, saying, “You should use a Venn diagram instead of that chart,” would land very differently. Even when the idea is sound, the wording can shut thinking down rather than open it up.
 
Small Words, Big Impact
Over time, I’ve become much more attentive to the small words I use in coaching conversations. Little words carry outsized weight. They can position teachers as capable professionals who are actively making decisions—or as people needing to be corrected.
 
One way to pay attention to how our words work is to notice how often we default to language that sounds absolute or evaluative. A simple word like but can negate everything that came before it. Replacing but with and or so keeps the conversation additive rather than corrective. Similarly, shifting from you to we or us signals partnership instead of hierarchy.
 
Modal verbs matter, too. Words like should and must tend to sound like commands, even when we don’t intend them that way. Their gentler counterpart, could, leaves room for choice.
 
In the same way, trading “They sometimes…”  for  “They never” or “They always” acknowledges the complexity of classroom life. Will could become might or maybe, and best could become possible, Instead of, “You should determine…” you might soften the language to, “We could consider,” or “I wonder.”
 
Wrong could be replaced with different; can’t  could become not yet. Even words we might think of as neutral can carry judgment. Small shifts can better communicate optimism and opportunities for growth, rather than finality.
 
Language That Honors Professional Identity

The language choices we make as coaches can do important identity work. Small, simple words subtly shape a teacher’s sense of themselves as knowledgeable, thoughtful professionals. Avoiding evaluative language like good and bad, and replacing harsh modal verbs like should and must with their kinder cousins, might and may, signals that the coach’s ideas are tentative and offered for consideration, not compliance.

For example, “You should make sure everyone is listening before you begin,” can easily sound like a directive. Saying instead, “Something that has worked for me is using a focus signal before giving instruction,” feels like an idea being placed on the table. The content is similar, but the invitation is very different.

Providing a menu of options is another way to avoid what I think of as “you-should-ing.” When we offer possibilities rather than prescriptions, we honor teachers as decision-makers in their own classrooms. And often, it’s the small, gentle words that make the difference.

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Did you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? (with different content) Find it in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com

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This week, you might want to take a look at:

4 engaging ways to pre-assess (#1 & #3 are my favorites):
 
https://www.middleweb.com/52730/four-simple-ways-to-pre-assess-our-students/
 
 
How video analysis supports teachers’ understanding:
 
https://www.teachingchannel.com/free-videos/
 
 
Setting goals with students (think about this for January):
 
https://www.edutopia.org/blog/back-to-school-goal-setting-students-teacher-maurice-elias
 
 
Nurturing independent reading in middle schoolers:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/nurturing-independent-reading-lives-in-middle-school/
 
 
The idea of embodied cognition may sound complex, but the concept is powerful, and this explanation is practical:
 
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-acting-out-in-school-boosts-learning/
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! This month, you can use the code: DEC2025 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!