Instructional Coaching: A Career of Caring

Caring is hard. Educators typically approach their work with their hearts wide open. I ache for the middle-school student sitting alone at the lunch table and for her teacher who is distraught about the feedback she just got from the principal. There seems to be an extra layer of caring for instructional coaches and, like a sweater worn on a day turned too hot, those layers can start to feel just too much. We want to take a layer off until things cool down. But in education, oftentimes they don’t. And we wouldn’t really want to not care, would we?
 
What do we do when the caring feels too heavy, though? And what can we encourage teachers to do when they feel the same? We really have to figure this out. There’s still plenty of joy to be had in the school day, but there’s plenty that’s not joyful, too.
 
Managing emotions as a caring professional starts by acknowledging them. Be sure to acknowledge satisfaction, excitement, and pride. But It’s okay (and important) to acknowledge anxiety, anger, guilt, sadness, and loneliness, too. Name it, feel it, help it move on through.
 
It’s not about a new pair of shoes, a chocolate bar, or even a bubble bath (although I’m pretty convinced that the chocolate, at least, will help! 😊). Beyond indulgences, we need healthy things we can do on the regular and even things we can do in-the-moment. Here are a few practices to try:
 
*Deep breathing: This is my go-to. Several BIG breathes in, followed by s-l-o-w exhales always make a difference. Brain science supports this practice, too. More oxygen is a good thing.
 
*Progressive relaxation: Sit down, and start by relaxing your toes. Then work your way up to the top of your head and out to the tips of your fingers, muscle group by muscle group. In a class full of children, you can do this with your eyes open.
 
*Do the art project with students. Creativity has a calming effect, and you might all be satisfied with the results.
 
*Dance. Do the brain-break with students. Moving your body can move your emotions.
 
*Give a self-hug. Hugs help – there’s research to prove it! And, somewhat surprisingly, even a self-hug works. Educators can sneak in a self-hug any time.
 
*Make time for exercise and sleep (preaching to myself here!). We know our minds and bodies work best, and we can be more appropriately responsive to hard situation, when basic bodily needs are taken care of (eating and peeing count here, too – and we know educators often don’t get enough time for either during their days).
 
*Communicate needs and feelings with a trusted listening partner.
 
Which of these practices help you when caring feels too heavy? Which could you share with the educators you care about?
 
Lately, I’ve had the words of William Wordsworth’s poem, “The World is Too Much with Us,” running through my head. But we don’t want to stop being people who care. Caring means being responsive to a need. We can find ways to turn our compassion fatigue into compassion resilience, to maintain our own well-being while responding humanely to others.
 
Remind yourself of what fills your emotional well. As an instructional coach, you might also be in a position to help others find what fills theirs. You aren’t a therapist, but you are a caring human. Focus on what you can do. The emotions that come from caring can become fuel for action.
 
This week, you might want to take a look at:

3 Ways to More “Aha” Moments in Coaching:
 
http://www.growthcoaching.com.au/articles-new/3-ways-to-more-aha-moments-in-coaching
 
 
Preserve creativity in the face of AI:
 
https://www.edsurge.com/news/2025-09-08-jelly-beans-for-grapes-how-ai-can-erode-students-creativity 
 
 
Helping students deal with distraction:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/helping-students-deal-with-distractions/
 
 
Effective literacy intervention for middle schoolers:
 
https://www.k12dive.com/news/middle-school-students-need-strong-tailored-reading-instruction-nwea/757571/
 
 
A list of suggestions for establishing positive relationships with parents:
 
https://www.parentengagement.ca/modules/establishing-positive-relationships/tips-suggestions/
 
 That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

Seven “Be’s” for Effective Coaching Recommendations

Will your suggestion stick or slide away? The 7 “Be’s” for recommending make them stickier!

As coaches using the GIR model, we recognize that making a recommendation is sometimes the right coaching move. To stay on track, I like to remind myself of 7 “Be’s”—practices that make feedback both meaningful and well received.
 
Be timely. The closer to the observed event, the better. Teachers are prepared for and expecting feedback soon after sharing a lesson plan or being observed. They’re more likely to be primed for and open to ideas. It takes no more time to respond sooner rather than later. Remind yourself of that as you prioritize your busy schedule.
 
Be discrete. If your intended feedback might be perceived as criticism, be sure to find an opportunity to speak with the teacher individually. Praising publicly and recommending privately builds trust.
 
Be collegial. Invite partnership by sitting side-by-side. Give consideration to body language: Nod. Make eye contact (when making positive or neutral remarks). Have positive assumptions and aim for collaboration.
 
Be clear. Describe what it is you think could happen in concrete, actionable terms. What will it look like when the suggestion has been implemented? It’s helpful to target something that can make a short-term, noticeable difference.
 
Be specific. When your feedback is specific, there is less room for confusion and more likelihood of acceptance. Be clear and accurate. Don’t exaggerate to make a point. Avoid superlatives like “never,” “all,” and “always.”
 
Be concise. Connected with being specific is the need to be concise. If you keep talking after making a recommendation, it’s likely that the recommendation will not linger. Additionally, it helps to limit your focus, prioritizing one area for improvement.
 
Be prepared. It’s the Boy Scout motto, and it holds true here. Recommendations will bounce like rubber balls off the blacktop unless you’re prepared. After an observation, schedule time for your own reflection so that you can consider recommendations that could be included in a follow-up conversation, if needed. If you are responding to lesson plans, use the “touch it once” rule. Unless it’s a tough situation that you need to ponder, jotting down notes as you initially review the plan is an efficient way to offer feedback. Even with a busy schedule, we can be prepared to give effective feedback.
Keep these “Be’s” in mind when offering feedback. Chances are, your message will land more smoothly and be more likely to support growth.
 

This week, you might want to take a look at:
 
You can’t do better than your best:
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufg-HMEzUwE&feature=emb_logo
 
 
Writing 100-word stories to grow voice:
 
https://www.middleweb.com/52541/the-power-of-short-form-to-grow-student-voice/
 
 
Using narrative video games to enhance reading skills:
 
https://www.edutopia.org/article/integrating-video-games-literature-lessons/
 
 
Helping students build metacognitive skills:
 
https://www.k12dive.com/news/students-benefit-metacognitive-skills/759772/
 
 
6 benefits of play:
 
https://thegeniusofplay.org/tgop/benefits/genius/benefits-of-play/benefits-of-play-home.aspx
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

Let the Conversation Do the Work

Instructional coaches make recommendations to share insights, offer options, and help teachers think through next steps in their instruction. One way to increase uptake of coaching recommendations is to make the recommendation part of a dialogue in an extended conversation. The recommendation is not the first sentence in the conversation or the last. Offering time for teacher reflection gets us off to a good start, giving the teacher control of the conversation early on. When it’s my turn to talk, I can lead with positive comments, offer a suggestion, and follow up by asking the teacher’s thoughts about the idea,
 
That’s what happened in my conversation with Ariana, an early-career teacher who walked into my room full of frustration about how the day had gone. After she vented for a moment, I asked her to tell me about some things that had gone well. That question gave her pause, but then she shared a few celebrations, which seemed to steady her a bit. She took a breath. Then she circled back to her initial concern:
 
“It was still so frustrating that kids weren’t paying attention during the game!” she said.
 
“Why do you think that happened?” I asked.
 
“I’m not sure,” she said, and paused thoughtfully. “Maybe they didn’t understand the procedures. I just shouldn’t have tried that game so early in the year, before procedures were in place.
 
I didn’t want her to give up on the game so easily! I said, “I’ve noticed that when teachers are clear in giving directions, students are more engaged.”
 
“Yes, I definitely could have been more clear with the directions,” she answered.
 
“Modeling could help,” I suggested, and added, “I noticed when you were clear in describing the purpose at the beginning of the lesson, students seemed very focused. I wonder if they didn’t see how the game connected to that purpose?
 
Ariana sat up straight and seemed reenergized. “Yes,” she said, “that makes sense.”      
 
“So, being clear with directions and tying each part of the lesson back to the purpose might help,” I said.
 
“Yes! I can do that!” she confidently responded. We then talked about what that might look and sound like in an upcoming lesson. When I’m careful not to dominate the dialogue, an exchange of ideas solidifies the recommendation.
 
The ongoing conversation that comes after a recommendation allows for meaning-making and encourages ownership of ideas. After making a recommendation (or offering a couple of recommendations as options), we can let the thoughts simmer for a few long seconds. Then we can find out how the recommendation is sitting by giving the teacher a chance to respond, asking the teacher to give her perspective. With a thoughtful look and openness in my voice, I’ll often ask, “What are you thinking about how those ideas might work with your kids?”
 
What the teacher says is ultimately more important than what I might say as a coach, so I’m prepared to prompt, encourage, and listen. Making suggestions as part of a collegial conversation with back-and-forth dialogue increases the likelihood that recommendations will be used. When we make space for teachers to process and respond to recommendations, they can take the lead in their learning.
 
This week, you might want to take a look at:

My podcast that launched this week! (You can also find it in your favorite podcasting app):
 
https://mycoachescouch.podbean.com/
 
How to keep going:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/keep-going/
 
 
Using narrative video games to enhance reading skills:
 
https://www.edutopia.org/article/integrating-video-games-literature-lessons/
 
 
How acting boosts learning:
 
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-acting-out-in-school-boosts-learning/
 
 
A podcast about substantive conversation in the classroom:
 
http://www.idra.org/images/stories/CN-130.mp3
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

Sneak Preview: My New Podcast!

You're the first to know....I've been hoping to create a podcast for over 5 years, and it's finally here! You can find Episode 1 of My Coaches Couch, the Podcast here:
 
https://mycoachescouch.podbean.com/
 
It will soon be available in your favorite podcasting app. But for now, you get a sneak preview here. I hope you'll enjoy the podcast - I made it just for you!
 
Don't worry, I'll continue the 13-year tradition of posting weekly to My Coaches Couch, the Blog, with different content. 
 
Happy listening!

 

Effective Coaching Recommendations

This week I had the chance to chat with a room full of experienced coaches, and we talked about the characteristics of effective recommendations. After we each thought of a time when we either made a recommendation or when someone made an effective recommendation to us, we silently pondered, “What made the recommendation effective?” Then we whipped around the room with each person quickly sharing a phrase that described why the recommendation worked.
 
Maybe you want to pause for a moment, remember a recommendation, and consider the same question, “What made it effective?”
 
Characteristics of Effective Recommendations
 
I wish I had a recording of the wisdom that was shared in that room full of coaches!  Here are a few of the comments I remember: “I trusted them,” “I felt heard,” “It came when I needed it.” “It felt true.” “It was clear.” “It was specific.” “I included an example.” “I gave choices.” “It was student-focused.”
 
Although making a recommendation isn’t always the best coaching choice (even when one is asked for!), there are times when a recommendation is just the right touch. This is especially true when a teacher is feeling overwhelmed or frustrated, or when they just don’t have the knowledge or experience to solve the problem. A novice teacher said, “I need help! They can ask me questions all day long, but I only have so much knowledge.”
 
If making a recommendation feels like a good choice, keep in mind the characteristics described above (and the one you thought of!) about what makes a recommendation effective.
 
Recommendations in Action
 
When Callie was working with a teacher as she planned an upcoming lesson, she felt the lesson would be more successful if the teacher showed students examples of what their final products might look like. She decided that having a few student samples to show the teacher would make this recommendation concrete. Making recommendations concrete ensures that our idea will mean the same thing to the teacher that it does to us.
 
Marjorie felt that the teacher she was coaching should tie her assessment more closely to the objectives she had determined for a lesson. She felt an explanation of why this was important would make the recommendation more meaningful. Discussing the rationale increased the effectiveness of Monica’s recommendation by employing higher-level thinking. As she engaged the teacher in dialogue, the purpose became clear. And engaging in higher-level thinking about an idea makes it more memorable. Providing a rationale for recommendations makes the suggestions more appealing and more likely to be remembered and used.
 
By being concrete and providing rationale for their recommendations, these coaches improved the chances that their recommendations would stick.
 
Making Recommendations “Sticky”
 
Chip and Dan Heath, in their book Made to Stick explain why the characteristics described above make recommendations “sticky.” The Heaths remind us that ideas are most likely to endure when they help people notice and understand. This week, my coaching friends uncovered some of those characteristics. In your upcoming coaching conversations, if recommendations are warranted, think about how these characteristics can make those recommendations stick.
 

This week, you might want to take a look at:
Collaboration and teacher/teacher observation boosts learning:
 
http://tn.chalkbeat.org/2015/01/28/from-shanghai-to-collierville-collaboration-model-boosts-teacher-performance/
 
 
Using a podcast to spark students’ personal narrative writing:
 
https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/65612/finding-your-voice-isnt-just-for-students-its-for-teachers-too
 
 
Using kilo -- the traditional Hawaiian practice of intentional observation -- to boost focus, writing skills and environmental awareness:
 
https://www.smartbrief.com/original/kilo-learning-from-a-living-textbook
 
 
Kicking off independent reading (it’s not too late):
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/establishing-independent-reading-is-like-planting-seeds/
 
 
How movement and exercise support learning:
 
https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/53681/how-movement-and-exercise-help-kids-learn
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!
 
 
 
 

 

Video As a Coaching Model

When coaches model, they demonstrate techniques and instructional practices to scaffold implementation. Modeling, the most supportive coaching move in the GIR model, is recognized by teachers, researchers, and professional organizations as a valuable practice.
 
Observing professional practice can sharpen teachers’ attention to student learning and broaden their instructional repertoire. Modeling is a powerful, differentiated coaching activity, usually focused on working with individual teachers to address their specific needs and goals. In addition to demonstrating potential practices, modeling provides content for teacher-coach conversations and can generate other coaching activities. Modeling can also build teachers’ confidence and efficacy. Research demonstrates that coaches’ modeling can improve student achievement (Elish-Piper & L’Allier, 2011; Firestone, 2003; Shidler, 2009).

If it’s not possible for you to model in the classroom, or if that doesn’t seem like the best solution, a video could serve the purpose instead. You might have a video of yourself that demonstrates the strategy in another setting. Clips from video recordings purchased from publishers or professional organizations may also be useful. Or you could find a clip from YouTube or another online source. Better yet, you could spotlight the instruction of another teacher in your building.
 
Model by Spotlighting Other Teachers
 
You can start your own video collection for this purpose. Whenever you see something good going on, ask, “Would you mind if I capture that?” then whip out your phone or other friendly device and record away. Not only will you have meaningful examples to share, you will have built good will in the building. Just be sure you don’t create “coach’s pets.” Every teacher has an idea worth capturing!
 
Another bonus of home-grown videos is the authenticity factor; when teachers see something happening in their own school with their own student population, they are less likely to discount the idea as something that wouldn’t work for them. As with “live” modeling, recordings need not be perfect examples; learning occurs through reflecting on both successes and less-successful aspects of lessons. Just be sure to keep the focus positive, especially when using clips from colleagues’ classrooms.
 
Using Video in Coaching Conversations
 
When video recordings are provided as instructional models, you might choose to view and discuss clips during a planning or debriefing session. This allows for on-the-spot dialogue about how to adjust and put the ideas into practice. Pushing pause as the video plays lets you draw attention to nuances that might otherwise be missed. Sometimes, though, sending the video in advance is the best solution, especially when your time with a teacher is short. You can then use your valuable time together to tweak and transform the strategy to meet the needs of her learners. If you don’t have any face time at all, you can share a link as part of an online coaching conversation.
 
Teachers can have “unlimited, on-demand access” to videos demonstrating effective instruction and could watch a video on their own schedule and again and again, as often as needed. Re-viewing a video again after a teacher has tried the practice can support self-adjustment.
 
Video-based modeling can be either collaborative (viewed with a group) or more targeted and individualized. Although lacking the immediacy and full-bodied experience of classroom modeling, videos can be accessed any time and many times. Video recordings provide an instructional model that allows the teacher to see practices in action.
 

This week, you might want to take a look at:
Overcoming the “drama triangle” when working with teams:
 
https://www.smartbrief.com/original/recognizing-and-overcoming-the-drama-triangle
 
 
How to feel more joy and help others do the same:
 
https://www.ted.com/talks/ingrid_fetell_lee_where_joy_hides_and_how_to_find_it/
 
 
Creating effective sentence frames to support emergent bilingual students:
 
https://www.middleweb.com/52443/strong-sentence-frames-to-support-your-ells/
 
 
Moving coaching relationships from social to professional:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/failure-to-norm/
 
 
This video about grouping to increase eye contact and learning:
 
https://www.edutopia.org/video/what-social-brain
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

Volley and Return: Ask a Follow-Up Question

An instructional coach is a listener and learner first. She meets with a teacher to listen to and learn about her concerns, strengths, and needs. Listening builds connections and fosters respect, trust, and safety. As coaches attentively listen, teachers realize that their ideas and opinions are truly of interest.
 
To start a conversation that offers opportunities for listening, ask an open-ended question.  Asking “What’s on your mind?” can quickly move a conversation to what’s exciting, anxiety-provoking, or all-consuming for the teacher. It’s a question that says, “Let’s talk about what matters most to you!” Similarly, asking, “What are you wondering about?” or “What is missing for you right now?” invites teachers to get to the heart of what they care about and gives them the power to choose the coaching path ahead. It signals an open agenda rather than a pre-set coaching script.
 
After asking the opening question, practice deep listening. Give your whole presence. Be attentive. Listen to make sense of the words that are being said. Be keenly interested in understanding the teacher’s reality. Listening to a teacher’s complete response creates room for their ideas and values their viewpoint.
 
The next step is key: Ask a follow-up question. The follow-up question is your chance to demonstrate that you were truly listening. This question should be more specific and clearly connected to what the teacher has said. I can’t give you a script for that, because it completely depends on what has been expressed by the teacher. Your intunement gives you the content. Your response shows you were fully engaged.
 As you listen to understand the teacher’s perspective, feelings, and goals, you can pose questions that support the teacher’s self-directed learning. Rather than assuming we know what the teacher needs, we ask and listen. Responsive coaches are those who pay attention. When we pay attention, the teacher feels attended to. She knows her comments matter.
 
The initial question and the follow-up help you understand and help the teacher feel understood. Additional questions can lead to analysis as the teacher tests her ideas. We receive the information and return it in ways that prompt reflection.
 
In the “serve and volley” of conversation, linking the volley to the serve is what’s important. When we take up a comment by echoing or extending it, we strengthen the coherence and depth of the conversation, building capacity for analysis and change.
 
Starting with a question is important because it demonstrates openness. But the real power comes when a follow-up question is responsive. After that, coaching questions can become more and more focused, pointing toward improvement. Every question opens an opportunity for response, and every response creates space for deeper understanding.
 

This week, you might want to take a look at:
Coaching new teachers:
 
https://www.teachingchannel.com/free-videos/
 
 
Supporting student “voice” – the oral communication kind:
 
https://ccira.blog/2025/07/29/true-student-voice-helping-students-be-better-speakers/
 
 
Adjusting levels of support for middle schoolers:
 
https://www.edutopia.org/article/supporting-middle-school-students-zone-proximal-development
 
 
“Where I’m From” links literacy & community:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/linking-literacy-and-community-at-the-start-of-the-year/
 
 
Keys to productive struggle:
 
https://www.smartbrief.com/original/2019/09/productive-struggle-elementary-mathematics
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!