Try This at Home: Ask & Listen

Summer is the perfect time to practice a skill that you can take with you into your coaching next fall - being fully present in your conversations. This summer, you can be more intentional about asking questions to deepen relationships—with the people who matter most. Before we jump back into our coaching roles, we can sharpen our listening skills at the backyard BBQ, on a long walk, beside the pool, or wherever you gather.
 
Try taking a conversation (and a relationship) deeper by asking a friend or family member:
“What’s been on your mind lately?”
Then pause. Wait. Listen. Let their words lead. Stay curious. Follow up with:
“Say more about that.”
As you listen, practice reflecting back what you hear:
“Let me see if I’m understanding you right…”
You’re not just making conversation—you’re building connection. This practice helps grow the listening muscles that make your coaching stronger, more respectful, and more responsive.
 
An instructional coach is a listener and learner first. She meets with a teacher to listen to and learn about her concerns, strengths, and needs. Listening builds connections and fosters respect, trust, and safety. By listening first, the coach indicates that she is there to support the teacher in meeting her goals, not the other way around.
 
You can seek the teacher’s perspective by focusing not on what you know, but on what the teacher knows. As coaches attentively listen, teachers realize that their ideas and opinions are truly of interest.
 
Just like with friends and family, “What’s on your mind?” is a question that says, “Let’s talk about what matters most to you!” It’s a useful open-ended question to start a coaching conversation.
 
When I met with Anna, a special education teacher, I began the coaching conversation by asking, “What’s on your mind?” The conversation moved quickly to how her role as “co-teacher” in one class turned out to be a situation where she was basically being used as an aide, a role that was not satisfying for her and not as impactful for students as it could have been. We got straight to a need and began looking at the people and processes that were part of this situation.
 
“What’s on your mind?” cues reflection and sharing that sets you up for meaningful coaching work. And don’t forget the power of wait time! Asking, pausing, and listening lets us know where teachers are in their practice.
 
After listening, reflect back what the teacher has said – not in a parrot-like way, but in a way that shows you were paying attention and offers the teacher the chance to clarify. Saying, “Let me see if I got this right” gives the teacher the chance to think more deeply and strengthens your understanding of the teacher’s needs.
 
Just like with family and friends this summer, when school starts again, you can ask the teacher to, “Say more about that” to clarify your understanding as you continue listening.
 
Between friends and family, among coaches and teachers, asking authentic questions, listening, and reflecting back what you’ve heard are practices that deepen relationships, invite openness, and create space for new insights to emerge.
 
This week, you might want to take a look at:

Tips for new instructional coaches:
 
https://www.edutopia.org/blog/20-tips-new-instructional-coaches-elena-aguilar
 
 
Barry Lane’s TedXTalk on the Power of Kindness:
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzimmQaLzo8
 
 
Goals support independent math work:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/setting-personal-goals-for-math-independent-work/
 
 
Ideas for effective feedback:
 
https://www.teachthought.com/pedagogy-posts/learning-feedback/
 
 
Questions for a team-coaching meeting on student engagement:
 
https://barkleypd.com/blog/instructional-coaches-working-with-plcs-and-teaching-teams/
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNS25 for 20% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!