Coaching with a Gentle Nudge

Change is hard, so sometimes we need a nudge to make it happen.  We may lack confidence, courage, or motivation to try new things of which we are capable, but a nudge can get us moving in the right direction. When coaching, recommendations work best when they feel like a gentle nudge rather than an edict.
 
Aking permission is one way to make a recommendation feel more nudge-like. We might say, “Do you mind if I share some ideas with you?” or ““Can I share my experience?” Even though the teacher is very unlikely to say “no,” somehow, the asking makes a difference. It seems to open the way.
 
A recommendation is more nudge-like, too, if it’s a small step rather than a giant one. When I met with a teacher who truly wanted to improve the whole-group discussions in her classroom, I realized that small steps were needed. Tasha was committed, but she had a lot of work to do to improve classroom discussions. I felt that if I shared all the things I’d been thinking about in terms of improving class discussions, Tasha would become overwhelmed. What she needed were small steps to move her in the right direction. So I suggested a very concrete idea: Rather than suggesting something to do, my first recommendation was something to avoid. Working on not doing something seemed much easier than working on doing something.
 
So, I said, “Do you think you could totally do away with the sentence stem, ‘Who can raise their hand and tell me?” To hand-raise or not to hand-raise wasn’t the issue here. But Tasha’s habitual question-starter seemed to turn off students’ brains – they seemed to be thinking, “This question doesn’t have to be for me if I don’t raise my hand.” So, rather than suggesting that Tasha work on getting all students engaged in the thinking, it felt more manageable to work on eliminating these eight words. It was a small step, and I could tell by the way Tasha’s face lit up that she felt confident she could do it. There were many small steps on Tasha’s journey to improved classroom discussion, but this gentle nudge got her moving in the right direction.
 
A nudge is an invitation, a tender prompt forward. Pushing, on the other hand, usually doesn’t work. To push is to “press against with force.”  That doesn’t sound very nice, does it? When someone pushes against me with force, I’ve noticed that I have a tendency to push back. It seems like the natural way to keep my equilibrium. If I don’t offer some resistance, I might topple over from the force. 
But a nudge allows me to keep my footing. I’m not going to fall, I’m just going to move forward. To nudge is to touch gently or urge into action. A nudge is a recommendation loaded with assurance. Pete Carroll said, “Each person holds so much power within themselves that needs to be let out. Sometimes they just need a little nudge, a little direction, a little support, a little coaching, and the greatest things can happen.”*  He was talking about football, but instructional coaches can unlock power, too.
 
A nudge is likely to be received gracefully and with appreciation. A pushy recommendation is likely to be met with pushback rather than change. Take a moment and reflect on who might need a nudge to take that next positive step – something you know they are capable of doing, but they may not. Being a pusher can be tiresome and unproductive, but being a nudger is something to aspire to!
 
Asking permission and naming small steps are two ways to make recommendations nudge-like. The difference between nudging and pushing is a matter of language. Our ways with words make a big difference in how a recommendation is received.
 
*247sports, n.d.
 
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Did you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? (with different content) Find it in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com
 
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This week, you might want to take a look at:

Video analysis as a coaching tool:
 
https://www.teachingchannel.com/free-videos/
 
 
Why writing instruction matters more than ever in an AI-driven world:
 
https://districtadministration.com/opinion/why-writing-still-matters-teaching-human-skills-in-an-ai-powered-world/
 
 
Perfectionism or perseverance? It shows up even in kindergarten:
 
https://ccira.blog/2025/09/22/ice-cream-penguins-and-other-thoughts-on-the-growth-mindset/
 
 
Using tech to help students learn from one another:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/the-good-part-of-tech/
Nonverbal communication in the classroom:
 
https://www.teachingchannel.com/blog/nonverbal-communication-in-your-classroom
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

Coaching from Comfort

As a coach, you know that not all teachers need or want recommendations, but for those who are looking for guidance, making recommendations fills an important role. By making recommendations, coaches encourage teachers and support ongoing improvement.
 
When conferring with a teacher who might benefit from your suggestions, it helps to frame the recommendation within a comfortable context. For example, when I was coaching Kate, an elementary teacher, building from her favorite content area (math) helped my recommendations feel comfortable.
 
 I’d been talking with Kate about writing conferences, but writing wasn’t Kate’s strong suit. Since she has a math brain and is a natural problem-solver, it helped when I began our conversation about writing conferences by thinking with her about how she provides feedback in math. “I love trying to figure out what they’re doing,” she said. “If the answer isn’t right, it’s like solving a puzzle to figure out what went wrong.”
 
“So think about using the same approach in a writing conference,” I said. “Just like when you’re scaffolding in math, you’ll have to first figure out where the writing process has broken down. Once you solve that puzzle, you can figure out the support that’s needed.”
 
I noted how the light went on in Kate’s eyes when I said the word “puzzle.” It was an aha moment for her. My recommendation helped her connect with successful past experiences. Couching the suggestion in a conversation about content that Kate was comfortable with made a difference.
 
When coaching Angela, a middle-school teacher, I started by acknowledging the powerful conversations she was having with students: her thoughtful attention to individuals, her calm and assuring presence and encouragement, and her recognition of students’ strengths. I labeled these individual interactions for her as “conferences,” a term that was new to her. Initially, we talked about structuring those conferences for increased impact. I built on what she was already comfortable with before making suggestions that were a bit more outside of her comfort zone.
 
Making suggestions as part of a collegial conversation, with a comfortable context, a casual tone, and a chance for dialogue, increases the likelihood that recommendations will be used, moving the teacher’s learning forward.
 
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Did you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? Find it in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com  This week's episode offers a magic coaching question!
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This week, you might want to take a look at:

Learning walks with teachers as a coaching practice:

https://ashleytaplin.com/2021/09/17/instructional-scouting-a-new-practice-for-learning-walks/

 

This learning/PD/collaboration tool – Box It Out:

https://www.thecoachingsketchnotebook.com/2021/09/a-new-tool-for-pd-box-it-out.html

This post is about more than classroom management; consider how the conversation with teachers was facilitated (they include their agenda at the end):

https://choiceliteracy.com/article/new-teacher-conversations-management-stories-from-the-classroom/

 

Picture books to encourage writers:

https://www.edutopia.org/article/using-picture-books-encourage-student-writers

Physical activity boosts test scores:

 

https://www.the74million.org/article/jumping-jacks-lunges-and-squats-and-better-test-scores/

 

That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!

Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

Instructional Coaching: A Career of Caring

Caring is hard. Educators typically approach their work with their hearts wide open. I ache for the middle-school student sitting alone at the lunch table and for her teacher who is distraught about the feedback she just got from the principal. There seems to be an extra layer of caring for instructional coaches and, like a sweater worn on a day turned too hot, those layers can start to feel just too much. We want to take a layer off until things cool down. But in education, oftentimes they don’t. And we wouldn’t really want to not care, would we?
 
What do we do when the caring feels too heavy, though? And what can we encourage teachers to do when they feel the same? We really have to figure this out. There’s still plenty of joy to be had in the school day, but there’s plenty that’s not joyful, too.
 
Managing emotions as a caring professional starts by acknowledging them. Be sure to acknowledge satisfaction, excitement, and pride. But It’s okay (and important) to acknowledge anxiety, anger, guilt, sadness, and loneliness, too. Name it, feel it, help it move on through.
 
It’s not about a new pair of shoes, a chocolate bar, or even a bubble bath (although I’m pretty convinced that the chocolate, at least, will help! 😊). Beyond indulgences, we need healthy things we can do on the regular and even things we can do in-the-moment. Here are a few practices to try:
 
*Deep breathing: This is my go-to. Several BIG breathes in, followed by s-l-o-w exhales always make a difference. Brain science supports this practice, too. More oxygen is a good thing.
 
*Progressive relaxation: Sit down, and start by relaxing your toes. Then work your way up to the top of your head and out to the tips of your fingers, muscle group by muscle group. In a class full of children, you can do this with your eyes open.
 
*Do the art project with students. Creativity has a calming effect, and you might all be satisfied with the results.
 
*Dance. Do the brain-break with students. Moving your body can move your emotions.
 
*Give a self-hug. Hugs help – there’s research to prove it! And, somewhat surprisingly, even a self-hug works. Educators can sneak in a self-hug any time.
 
*Make time for exercise and sleep (preaching to myself here!). We know our minds and bodies work best, and we can be more appropriately responsive to hard situation, when basic bodily needs are taken care of (eating and peeing count here, too – and we know educators often don’t get enough time for either during their days).
 
*Communicate needs and feelings with a trusted listening partner.
 
Which of these practices help you when caring feels too heavy? Which could you share with the educators you care about?
 
Lately, I’ve had the words of William Wordsworth’s poem, “The World is Too Much with Us,” running through my head. But we don’t want to stop being people who care. Caring means being responsive to a need. We can find ways to turn our compassion fatigue into compassion resilience, to maintain our own well-being while responding humanely to others.
 
Remind yourself of what fills your emotional well. As an instructional coach, you might also be in a position to help others find what fills theirs. You aren’t a therapist, but you are a caring human. Focus on what you can do. The emotions that come from caring can become fuel for action.
 
This week, you might want to take a look at:

3 Ways to More “Aha” Moments in Coaching:
 
http://www.growthcoaching.com.au/articles-new/3-ways-to-more-aha-moments-in-coaching
 
 
Preserve creativity in the face of AI:
 
https://www.edsurge.com/news/2025-09-08-jelly-beans-for-grapes-how-ai-can-erode-students-creativity 
 
 
Helping students deal with distraction:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/helping-students-deal-with-distractions/
 
 
Effective literacy intervention for middle schoolers:
 
https://www.k12dive.com/news/middle-school-students-need-strong-tailored-reading-instruction-nwea/757571/
 
 
A list of suggestions for establishing positive relationships with parents:
 
https://www.parentengagement.ca/modules/establishing-positive-relationships/tips-suggestions/
 
 That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

Seven “Be’s” for Effective Coaching Recommendations

Will your suggestion stick or slide away? The 7 “Be’s” for recommending make them stickier!

As coaches using the GIR model, we recognize that making a recommendation is sometimes the right coaching move. To stay on track, I like to remind myself of 7 “Be’s”—practices that make feedback both meaningful and well received.
 
Be timely. The closer to the observed event, the better. Teachers are prepared for and expecting feedback soon after sharing a lesson plan or being observed. They’re more likely to be primed for and open to ideas. It takes no more time to respond sooner rather than later. Remind yourself of that as you prioritize your busy schedule.
 
Be discrete. If your intended feedback might be perceived as criticism, be sure to find an opportunity to speak with the teacher individually. Praising publicly and recommending privately builds trust.
 
Be collegial. Invite partnership by sitting side-by-side. Give consideration to body language: Nod. Make eye contact (when making positive or neutral remarks). Have positive assumptions and aim for collaboration.
 
Be clear. Describe what it is you think could happen in concrete, actionable terms. What will it look like when the suggestion has been implemented? It’s helpful to target something that can make a short-term, noticeable difference.
 
Be specific. When your feedback is specific, there is less room for confusion and more likelihood of acceptance. Be clear and accurate. Don’t exaggerate to make a point. Avoid superlatives like “never,” “all,” and “always.”
 
Be concise. Connected with being specific is the need to be concise. If you keep talking after making a recommendation, it’s likely that the recommendation will not linger. Additionally, it helps to limit your focus, prioritizing one area for improvement.
 
Be prepared. It’s the Boy Scout motto, and it holds true here. Recommendations will bounce like rubber balls off the blacktop unless you’re prepared. After an observation, schedule time for your own reflection so that you can consider recommendations that could be included in a follow-up conversation, if needed. If you are responding to lesson plans, use the “touch it once” rule. Unless it’s a tough situation that you need to ponder, jotting down notes as you initially review the plan is an efficient way to offer feedback. Even with a busy schedule, we can be prepared to give effective feedback.
Keep these “Be’s” in mind when offering feedback. Chances are, your message will land more smoothly and be more likely to support growth.
 

This week, you might want to take a look at:
 
You can’t do better than your best:
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufg-HMEzUwE&feature=emb_logo
 
 
Writing 100-word stories to grow voice:
 
https://www.middleweb.com/52541/the-power-of-short-form-to-grow-student-voice/
 
 
Using narrative video games to enhance reading skills:
 
https://www.edutopia.org/article/integrating-video-games-literature-lessons/
 
 
Helping students build metacognitive skills:
 
https://www.k12dive.com/news/students-benefit-metacognitive-skills/759772/
 
 
6 benefits of play:
 
https://thegeniusofplay.org/tgop/benefits/genius/benefits-of-play/benefits-of-play-home.aspx
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

Let the Conversation Do the Work

Instructional coaches make recommendations to share insights, offer options, and help teachers think through next steps in their instruction. One way to increase uptake of coaching recommendations is to make the recommendation part of a dialogue in an extended conversation. The recommendation is not the first sentence in the conversation or the last. Offering time for teacher reflection gets us off to a good start, giving the teacher control of the conversation early on. When it’s my turn to talk, I can lead with positive comments, offer a suggestion, and follow up by asking the teacher’s thoughts about the idea,
 
That’s what happened in my conversation with Ariana, an early-career teacher who walked into my room full of frustration about how the day had gone. After she vented for a moment, I asked her to tell me about some things that had gone well. That question gave her pause, but then she shared a few celebrations, which seemed to steady her a bit. She took a breath. Then she circled back to her initial concern:
 
“It was still so frustrating that kids weren’t paying attention during the game!” she said.
 
“Why do you think that happened?” I asked.
 
“I’m not sure,” she said, and paused thoughtfully. “Maybe they didn’t understand the procedures. I just shouldn’t have tried that game so early in the year, before procedures were in place.
 
I didn’t want her to give up on the game so easily! I said, “I’ve noticed that when teachers are clear in giving directions, students are more engaged.”
 
“Yes, I definitely could have been more clear with the directions,” she answered.
 
“Modeling could help,” I suggested, and added, “I noticed when you were clear in describing the purpose at the beginning of the lesson, students seemed very focused. I wonder if they didn’t see how the game connected to that purpose?
 
Ariana sat up straight and seemed reenergized. “Yes,” she said, “that makes sense.”      
 
“So, being clear with directions and tying each part of the lesson back to the purpose might help,” I said.
 
“Yes! I can do that!” she confidently responded. We then talked about what that might look and sound like in an upcoming lesson. When I’m careful not to dominate the dialogue, an exchange of ideas solidifies the recommendation.
 
The ongoing conversation that comes after a recommendation allows for meaning-making and encourages ownership of ideas. After making a recommendation (or offering a couple of recommendations as options), we can let the thoughts simmer for a few long seconds. Then we can find out how the recommendation is sitting by giving the teacher a chance to respond, asking the teacher to give her perspective. With a thoughtful look and openness in my voice, I’ll often ask, “What are you thinking about how those ideas might work with your kids?”
 
What the teacher says is ultimately more important than what I might say as a coach, so I’m prepared to prompt, encourage, and listen. Making suggestions as part of a collegial conversation with back-and-forth dialogue increases the likelihood that recommendations will be used. When we make space for teachers to process and respond to recommendations, they can take the lead in their learning.
 
This week, you might want to take a look at:

My podcast that launched this week! (You can also find it in your favorite podcasting app):
 
https://mycoachescouch.podbean.com/
 
How to keep going:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/keep-going/
 
 
Using narrative video games to enhance reading skills:
 
https://www.edutopia.org/article/integrating-video-games-literature-lessons/
 
 
How acting boosts learning:
 
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-acting-out-in-school-boosts-learning/
 
 
A podcast about substantive conversation in the classroom:
 
http://www.idra.org/images/stories/CN-130.mp3
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

Sneak Preview: My New Podcast!

You're the first to know....I've been hoping to create a podcast for over 5 years, and it's finally here! You can find Episode 1 of My Coaches Couch, the Podcast here:
 
https://mycoachescouch.podbean.com/
 
It will soon be available in your favorite podcasting app. But for now, you get a sneak preview here. I hope you'll enjoy the podcast - I made it just for you!
 
Don't worry, I'll continue the 13-year tradition of posting weekly to My Coaches Couch, the Blog, with different content. 
 
Happy listening!

 

Effective Coaching Recommendations

This week I had the chance to chat with a room full of experienced coaches, and we talked about the characteristics of effective recommendations. After we each thought of a time when we either made a recommendation or when someone made an effective recommendation to us, we silently pondered, “What made the recommendation effective?” Then we whipped around the room with each person quickly sharing a phrase that described why the recommendation worked.
 
Maybe you want to pause for a moment, remember a recommendation, and consider the same question, “What made it effective?”
 
Characteristics of Effective Recommendations
 
I wish I had a recording of the wisdom that was shared in that room full of coaches!  Here are a few of the comments I remember: “I trusted them,” “I felt heard,” “It came when I needed it.” “It felt true.” “It was clear.” “It was specific.” “I included an example.” “I gave choices.” “It was student-focused.”
 
Although making a recommendation isn’t always the best coaching choice (even when one is asked for!), there are times when a recommendation is just the right touch. This is especially true when a teacher is feeling overwhelmed or frustrated, or when they just don’t have the knowledge or experience to solve the problem. A novice teacher said, “I need help! They can ask me questions all day long, but I only have so much knowledge.”
 
If making a recommendation feels like a good choice, keep in mind the characteristics described above (and the one you thought of!) about what makes a recommendation effective.
 
Recommendations in Action
 
When Callie was working with a teacher as she planned an upcoming lesson, she felt the lesson would be more successful if the teacher showed students examples of what their final products might look like. She decided that having a few student samples to show the teacher would make this recommendation concrete. Making recommendations concrete ensures that our idea will mean the same thing to the teacher that it does to us.
 
Marjorie felt that the teacher she was coaching should tie her assessment more closely to the objectives she had determined for a lesson. She felt an explanation of why this was important would make the recommendation more meaningful. Discussing the rationale increased the effectiveness of Monica’s recommendation by employing higher-level thinking. As she engaged the teacher in dialogue, the purpose became clear. And engaging in higher-level thinking about an idea makes it more memorable. Providing a rationale for recommendations makes the suggestions more appealing and more likely to be remembered and used.
 
By being concrete and providing rationale for their recommendations, these coaches improved the chances that their recommendations would stick.
 
Making Recommendations “Sticky”
 
Chip and Dan Heath, in their book Made to Stick explain why the characteristics described above make recommendations “sticky.” The Heaths remind us that ideas are most likely to endure when they help people notice and understand. This week, my coaching friends uncovered some of those characteristics. In your upcoming coaching conversations, if recommendations are warranted, think about how these characteristics can make those recommendations stick.
 

This week, you might want to take a look at:
Collaboration and teacher/teacher observation boosts learning:
 
http://tn.chalkbeat.org/2015/01/28/from-shanghai-to-collierville-collaboration-model-boosts-teacher-performance/
 
 
Using a podcast to spark students’ personal narrative writing:
 
https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/65612/finding-your-voice-isnt-just-for-students-its-for-teachers-too
 
 
Using kilo -- the traditional Hawaiian practice of intentional observation -- to boost focus, writing skills and environmental awareness:
 
https://www.smartbrief.com/original/kilo-learning-from-a-living-textbook
 
 
Kicking off independent reading (it’s not too late):
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/establishing-independent-reading-is-like-planting-seeds/
 
 
How movement and exercise support learning:
 
https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/53681/how-movement-and-exercise-help-kids-learn
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!