Lead by Listening

Your role as an instructional coach is a unique kind of leadership. You are not an administrator, supervisor, or evaluator. You are a colleague who lifts and supports. One of the most beneficial ways you can exercise this role is to lead by listening. Even though it’s summer, you can keep practicing this important attribute. It will serve you well in the relationships that matter. The same habits that strengthen coaching conversations can deepen dinner conversations now and make your leadership more effective when school starts again.
 
Listening Builds Trust
When teachers feel like someone is genuinely interested in their thinking rather than simply waiting to offer advice, they're more willing to be vulnerable, take risks, and reflect honestly. The same is true outside of school. Think about the people you enjoy talking with most. They're probably the ones who ask thoughtful questions and stay curious instead of turning the conversation back to themselves.
 
Listening communicates something powerful: You matter, and your thinking matters. Trust grows from that simple message.
 
Understand Before Responding
Coaches can feel the urge respond quickly: to offer a strategy, share a resource, or tell a story from our own experience. But leadership begins with understanding before responding.
 
Instead of immediately recommending, you might ask:
 
*What's making this situation especially challenging?
*What have you considered so far?
*What options feel realistic to you?
 
Those questions invite thinking instead of dependence. They communicate confidence in the other person's ability to find a way forward and your support for helping them move in that direction.
 
Listening Creates Collaboration
When leaders do most of the talking, people wait for the next direction or recommendation. They become compliant. When leaders do more listening, people become collaborators.
 
When coaches lead by listening, teachers begin connecting ideas and generating their own solutions because the conversation belongs to them. Our role as coaches is to support this thinking by asking more questions – questions to help the teacher focus and clarify. We can also offer our own insights, but only after first listening deeply.
 
Listening Reveals Strengths
When leaders listen carefully, they hear values, successes, effort, and expertise—not just problems. This connects naturally to asset-based coaching.
 
You might hear a commitment to student relationships, creativity, rigor, or confidence. Naming those strengths helps teachers recognize what they're already doing in their practice.
 
The same habit changes personal relationships. When we listen for strengths instead of shortcomings, conversations become more encouraging and more hopeful.
 
Listening Can Be Uncomfortable
Real listening requires patience. Silence, emotion, or ambiguity may tempt leaders to take over the conversation. But leadership means staying present instead of immediately steering.
 
There may be silence while someone gathers their thoughts. There may be emotion that needs to be expressed, but not solved. There may be uncertainty that feels messy.
 
Those moments often tempt us to jump in with recommendations or redirect the conversation toward action. There’s a time for recommendations and action, but don’t go there too quickly.
 
A thoughtful pause gives people permission to keep thinking aloud, and often the most important insights emerge after the silence.
 
Practice “Lead by Listening” Moves
This summer – and later, in the new school year – here are a few intentional listening habits to practice:
 
* Pause before responding.
* Listen for emotion, not just content.
* Reflect back what you're hearing.
* Ask one more question before offering a recommendation.
* Resist turning the conversation to your own story.
*Listen for quieter voices in group conversations.
* Validate before problem-solving.
 
None of these practices require special training – just special effort and intention. Summer gives us dozens of opportunities to practice: vacations, neighborhood conversations, and ordinary moments with family and friends.
 
And when August arrives, you'll return to your coaching role more ready to lead by listening.
 
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You can find My Coaches Couch, the podcast (with different content) in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com.
 
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This week, you might want to take a look at:

Replace general praise with something specific:
 
https://www.cultofpedagogy.com/edutips/edutip11/
 
As a coach, it helps to be likeable.  J  Here are 13 habits of likeable people (maybe we can work on these over the summer!):
 
https://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2015/01/27/13-habits-of-exceptionally-likeable-people/
 
The cognitive benefits of writing by hand:
https://www.edutopia.org/visual-essay/why-writing-by-hand-beats-typing-in-6-charts
 
Navigating tricky conversations with young children:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/navigating-complex-conversations-with-young-children/
 
 
What principals do differently at schools where teachers stay:
 
https://www.cultofpedagogy.com/teachers-leaving/
 
That’s it for this week.  Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: JUN2026 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!