Ask

In last week’s post, I talked about why we should give teachers grace and accept a “no” answer. This week’s partner post suggests how to make a “yes” more likely when it’s warranted. We want teachers to mindfully choose their yes’s, to assent to participate when it’s in their own best interest and the best interest of their students and colleagues. So let’s think about how to increase the likelihood of a “yes.” It’s not a trick, it’s a hope for a win/win situation.
 

As coaches we make a lot of requests:

      ·       Can we meet?
·       Can I observe?
·       Will you observe?
·       Will you share?
·       Will you join?
·       Will you attend?
·       Would you read (this book or article?
·       And so on…

Here are some things we can do to increase the chance of “yes.”
 
A Heart-Felt Ask
 
Before you ask someone to join or respond, think about why you’re asking.  Do you sincerely believe this opportunity will be good for someone?  Does it align with your values?
 
Make a Match
 
Once you’ve determined that the request is worthwhile, you’ll consider who to ask. Who is a good fit for the ask? If you need just one person to answer the call, make sure your ask includes why that teacher is the right one for the task. What is it about them that makes it a good fit? Show that they are uniquely placed to participate. Interestingly, requests that reflect identity are more likely to be accepted than those that reflect an action (“be a presenter” rather than “to present”).*  When working with others, creating a group identity helps:  Simply saying the work, “together” can have an effect.**
 
The Right Context
 
Think about the setting for your request – especially the when. Catching a teacher five minutes before the morning bell, when they’re gathering those last supplies for the day, is not likely to be a good time. The beginning of planning period is probably better than the end. The end of the day, after the halls clear, could be a good time – unless you know that teacher is always rushing out the door for daycare pickup. The “right” context depends on the teacher.

Decisions are influenced by context.  The situation plays a large role in guiding our actions, so consider the circumstances before making a request. Find a time when you’ll have the teacher’s full attention.  

A Clear Request
 
Be clear about the ask. The more direct and specific you can be, the better.  Sometimes, we let a statement (It’s cold in here!), stand in for a request (Will you turn up the heat?). Implying that something needs to be done is less likely to get a positive response than making a specific request. Include where, when, and for how long. “Our next book study is Mindfulness for Teachers. We’ll meet on Thursdays in April after school for 30 minutes. Would you be interested?”
 
A Reason Why
 
Another word that cues acceptance is “because.” “I’d like to have Sharla observe this lesson when you teach it because…”   Saying what the benefits will be – for the teacher and for others, provides purpose.  Feeling effective is a human motivator, so knowing the expected effects will make a difference. Project the impact of the requested action.
 
Positive Assumptions
 
If you’re expecting a “no,” it can show in the words you use, the tone of your voice, and your body language. So expect a “yes.” Don’t ask and then layer in words that imply the teacher doesn’t want what you’re offering.  Assume that they would be excited to participate, that they want exactly what you have to offer and have just been waiting for you to ask!  So ask – and then pause, giving them space to consider. Don’t fill the silence with extra words. Speaking up too quickly can push someone into a “no.”
 
When coaches make a clear, heart-felt ask to the right person at the right time, teachers are in the position to make a thoughtful decision.  Understanding the potential benefits, for themselves and for others, makes an affirmative response likely when you ask, “Would you be willing?”

*https://hbr.org/2018/05/how-to-get-the-help-you-need

**Carr, P. B., & Walton, G. M. (2014). Cues of working together fuel intrinsic motivation. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 53, 169-184.

This week, you might want to take a look at:
 
EdCamp for your own school:
 
https://blog.teachboost.com/facilitate-teacher-centered-pd-with-edcamps
 
 
Books to build empathy: Sharing refugee stories:
 
https://ccira.blog/2022/04/12/sharing-the-stories-of-refugees/
 
 
A podcast episode about cultivating STEM identity through creative problem-solving:
 
https://www.pebc.org/podcast/cultivating-stem-identity-with-creative-problem-solving-featuring-wendy-ward-hoffer/
 
 
Making time for students’ (actual!) voices during writing workshop:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/are-your-writers-talking-during-writing-workshop/
 
 
A reason to smile:
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EZpq2sD6wE

That’s it for this week.  Happy Coaching!
 
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