What’s Your Love Language?

Through my work with student teachers, I learn important things about coaching. At my institution, we call cooperating teachers “mentors,” but I see it as a coaching role. We are nearing the end of a semester, so I am interviewing student teachers (we call them “interns”), because I am always trying to learn from the year, always trying to improve.
 
This week, I interviewed Christy, a creative, fun-loving fourth-grade intern. The first part of her year-long internship was in kindergarten, and it immediately felt like home. Although she eventually came to love it, teaching in fourth grade was a challenge at first – she wasn’t sure how to relate to these big kids, and the content scared her a bit. Compounding that was the fact that she felt she and her mentor were a mismatch. She said they were so different in their thought-processes and personality types. Her mentor was a linear thinking. She was not. So, even though they were both trying really hard, in the beginning, they just didn’t mesh.
 
Thankfully, they eventually came to understand one another’s needs. Christy knew her mentor needed detailed lesson plans turned in early. And, after an especially rocky interaction, Christy shared what she really needed from her mentor: Ongoing words of affirmation.
 
“Affirmation is my love language,” Christy told me. “I’m a people pleaser. I want everyone to like me!”  Christy shared these truths about herself with her mentor. The next day, after Christy taught a lesson that went well, she came back after recess to find a sticky note on her desk. “That was awesome. YOU are awesome,” it said. Even though that was months ago, Christy still has that sticky note. It meant so much to her! And it was a turning point in the mentoring relationship.
 
Affirming is an important coaching move. It’s one of the final phases of the GIR model not because we don’t use it sooner, but because the other moves drop away, making affirming the dominant coaching move. Many mentors tell me they affirm all along the way. Christy’s story reminds us that some teachers need affirmation more than others. Her mentor had a different intern earlier in the year, who had a great experience. And once Christy’s mentor knew her “love language,” she had a great experience, too.
 
You’ve probably heard about love languages. The authors, Gary Chapman and Paul White, have adapted these for the workplace, calling them “languages of appreciation.” Number one is words of affirmation. They explain that, for many people, what others think of them is very important. And everyone could use a good word from time to time.
 
Affirmation can come in personal, one-on-one conversations or in front of others. It can be written down or said out loud. We can affirm an effort, an accomplishment, or a character trait. The important thing is that the affirmation is sincere. From Christy’s experience, I learned that, for those whose language of appreciation is affirmation, it also needs to be frequent.  
 
Thankfully, Christy and her mentor eventually found the cadence of coaching conversation that was right for them. If you are using the GIR Coaching Model to guide your interactions with teachers, think about the role that affirmation, and other languages of appreciation, play for the individual teachers you are working with. Being generous with authentic affirmations shows appreciation and can energize a coaching relationship.
 
This week, you might want to take a look at:
 
This podcast on the power of choice:
 
https://www.speedofcreativity.org/2021/03/16/podcast476-the-power-of-choice-by-claude-larson/
 
Ideas for showcasing coaching work:
 
https://blog.teachboost.com/showcasing-the-impact-of-instructional-coaching
 
 
Effective Use of Questions as a Teaching Tool:
 
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3776909/
 
 
How to cultivate effective peer response to writing:
 
https://you.stonybrook.edu/eglblog/2017/03/22/how-to-promote-effective-peer-response/
 
 
Building coaching relationships through love, humility, and trust:
 
https://instructionalcoaching.com/article-dialogue-trust/
 
That’s it for this week.  Happy Coaching!
 
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