When Coaches Overdo It

Effective teachers adjust the scaffolding provided so that a learning activity sits squarely within a student’s zone of proximal development. As coaches, we did it with our students - offering just enough support to move learning forward, then gradually stepping back when the support was no longer needed.
 
Coaching is no different.
 
Through dialogue, we scaffold teachers’ professional learning, and when it’s done well, it strengthens reflection and encourages flexible, intentional use of teaching practices. But when we offer too much support for too long, we risk getting in the way of the growth we’re aiming to cultivate. As coaches, we need to be careful not to over-scaffold.
 
Why Scaffolding Matters in Coaching
The Gradual Increase of Responsibility model (see below) describes how effective coaching shifts over time. Coaches might begin with higher levels of support—modeling and recommending, if that’s what’s needed. When less scaffolding is needed, we ask questions—and move toward moves like affirming and praising.
 
The GIR model supports coaches in matching support to need. When coaches intentionally adjust scaffolding, they help teachers of all experience levels stretch. This flexible, responsive support leads to real instructional change.
 
The Problem with Over-Scaffolding
Scaffolding supports learning – but did you know that giving too much support can actually undermine learning? Researchers found that continuing to model once a learner had gained competence reduced agency, damaged self-confidence, and reduced motivation.* And over-scaffolding can limit engagement and restrict responses.**
 
In coaching, this sometimes shows up when our “go-to” moves remain highly supportive—even when the teacher does not need that level of help. For example, a coach might continue recommending specific strategies to a highly capable teacher who could make those decisions independently. Or we might jump in to model when a reflective question would have been enough. The intention is good, but the impact isn’t. Over-scaffolding sends an unintended message: I don’t think you’re ready yet.
 
Matching Support to Need
Effective coaching means adjusting support in real time—stepping in when a teacher is trying something new and stepping back once they have traction.
Sometimes that scaffolding looks like:
 
*offering a specific recommendation when a teacher is trying out an unfamiliar strategy
 
*asking guiding questions to help a teacher think through the details of a lesson
 
*anticipating together how students might respond so a teacher can plan to be flexible
 
When support isn’t needed, we lower the scaffolding. And if movement stagnates, we step in with more support. The key is responsiveness, with scaffolding continuously adjusted—not fixed. When support is no longer needed, removing it is just as important as offering it in the first place.
 
Letting Teachers Take the Lead
Coaching for a gradual increase of teacher responsibility means trusting teachers’ increasing competence and confidence. It means resisting the urge to over-explain, over-model, or over-direct. It means knowing that teachers grow most when they’re supported enough to stretch—rather than over-scaffolded in ways that crowd out their agency.
 
As coaches, our role is to help teachers see what’s possible. When we match scaffolds to the moment, teachers develop stronger instructional decision-making, greater confidence, and an increased sense of ownership over their practice.
 
By avoiding the over-scaffold, we acknowledge that sometimes less support can lead to more learning.
 
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Did you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? (with different content) Find it in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com
 
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*Wood, D. & Middleton, D. (1975). A study of assisted problem-solving. British Journal of Psychology (66)2, 181–91. Pomerantz, F., & Pierce, M. (2013). " When do we get to read?" Reading instruction and literacy mentoring in a" failed" urban elementary school. Reading Improvement, 50(3), 101-117.
**Daniel, S. M., Martin‐Beltrán, M., Peercy, M. M., & Silverman, R. (2016). Moving beyond yes or no: Shifting from over‐ scaffolding to contingent scaffolding in literacy instruction with emergent bilingual students. TESOL Journal, 7(2), 393-420.
 
This week, you might want to take a look at:

Overcoming the “drama triangle” when working with teams:
 
https://www.smartbrief.com/original/recognizing-and-overcoming-the-drama-triangle
 
 
Charts as tools and teachers:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/charts-as-tools-charts-as-teachers/
 
 
Independent mentor text studies:
 
https://vimeo.com/1085805154/4e5ddc29d3
 
 
The role of identity in learning:
 
https://www.edutopia.org/video/when-social-brain-misfires
 
 
Using Interactive reading guides in science:
 
https://www.amnh.org/explore/curriculum-collections/integrating-literacy-strategies-into-science-instruction/interactive-reading-guides
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

Coaching to Extend the Gratitude

In the U.S. this week, we celebrated Thanksgiving – a time to remember the things that fill us with appreciation. Thanksgiving offers a natural pause – a time to take stock of the positives. Let’s carry that positive lens with us when we head back to school on Monday by looking for things to applaud: small wins, acts of generosity, and evidence of learning that we can celebrate. Instead of letting these things slip by unnoticed, let’s carry forward gratitude as an ongoing practice, not just a holiday.
 
Gratitude Matters in Coaching
 
Expressing gratitude is more than just a feel-good extra. Coaching is relational work, and expressing gratitude can be a trust-builder. Genuine and specific gratitude helps teachers feel seen, and they are likely to respond with openness. Appreciation has a place in our professional routines.
 
Collaborative Praise
 
Praise isn’t indulgent – it’s a performance strategy. Teachers benefit from praise offered by coaches, and coaches can also create opportunities for teachers to provide praise to one another. Carrying the holiday forward, you might start the next team meeting by suggesting a gratitude circle – going around the table with each person sharing something work-related that they’re thankful for. Collaborative praise gives teams the relational fuel needed to problem-solve together.
 
Another way to cultivate praise is to rotate a “spotlight” each week, with a teacher sharing a small victory and colleagues respond with what they learned from it. You could also create a digital “shout out” board in Padlet (or another easy-to-add-to app) so that teachers can celebrate each other.
 
Overt plans for sharing praise can be complemented by quieter expressions, as you model your generous appreciation during coaching conversations, notice and name what teachers do for one another, and send a quick note to acknowledge admiration. Activities like these support a culture that recognizes service.
 
Enduring Gratitude Structures
 
Instead of being just a holiday novelty, tangible reminders to give thanks – like Gratitude jars, Gratitude breaks in agendas, and a Wall of Thanks in the staff room – promote connection and contribute to a sustainable school culture. And connection supports collective efficacy, which research suggests is closely tied to student achievement.
 
When adults in the school feel and express gratitude, teachers collaborate more effectively and students feel the difference, too. Positive teacher relationships can create contagious calm that benefits everyone. Appreciation is an investment in both teachers and students.
 
There is no bad time to express gratitude. Besides increasing optimism, improving health, and boosting productivity, gratitude opens the door to new relationships and bolsters existing ones. As we return from Thanksgiving tables to teaching tables, let’s carry forward feelings of gratitude and invite others to join us.
 
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Did you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? (with different content) Find it in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com
 
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This week, you might want to take a look at:

Establishing an (early childhood) classroom culture of writing:
 
https://www.edutopia.org/article/exploring-writing-preschool
 
 
Setting the stage for hard classroom conversations:
 
https://mismatch.org/2025/06/03/navigating-difficult-conversations-576/
 
 
First grade family history inquiry project (with meaningful technology integration):
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/family-history-inquiry-project-integrating-technology-with-social-studies-in-first-grade/
 
 
A digital compare/contrast map:
 
https://www.readwritethink.org/classroom-resources/student-interactives/compare-contrast
 
 
 
The role of identity in learning:
 
https://www.edutopia.org/video/when-social-brain-misfires
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

What’s In A Name - when Coaching

Coaching works best with a gentle nudge. The difference between nudging and pushing often comes down to language. Especially if we’re offering a recommendation, the way we use words can completely change how coaching is received, And one of the most valued words a teacher has is their name.
 
Why Names Matter
A person’s name is one of the strongest identifiers they carry. It’s tied to our sense of self, our identity, even our self-worth. Our names are gifts—sometimes inherited, sometimes reinvented, but always deeply personal. They represent who we are and who we hope to be recognized as.
 
Because of that, there’s a lot of power in using someone’s name. And how we use it matters. Many of us can remember that moment from childhood when hearing our full name—first, middle, and last—meant trouble (Alissa Marie Stewart, get over here!). But in conversation, a name can also send a softer, more affirming message. Including someone’s name can say, “You matter to me.” In coaching, it adds an even deeper layer: “I care about you and your work.”
 
How Name Placement Shapes Emotion
Over time, I’ve noticed that where we place a person’s name in a sentence—either spoken or written—can subtly change the emotional tone.
 
Placing the name at the beginning of a sentence sounds like a call for attention. It can feel directive or demanding:
“Vicki, I’m wondering if you’ve thought about…”
 
But embedding the name in the middle, or ending with the person’s name, softens the message:
“I’m wondering, Vicki, if you’ve thought about…”
 
It feels different, doesn’t it? More personal. More connected. The shift is subtle but meaningful — moving from “I’m getting your attention” to “I’m recognizing you.”
 
It’s All in the Details
If you’re thinking this feels a bit picky, you’re right. It is. But coaches work with language every day, and our words are our primary tools. Because of that, the nuances matter. A name is personal. Let’s use it thoughtfully, with care for the person hearing it.
 
 
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Did you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? (with different content) Find it in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com
 
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This week, you might want to take a look at:

This podcast episode debunks 6 myths about English Learners:
 
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep241-6-myths-about-english-language-learners-i-wish/id954139712?i=1000540288582
 
AI for teachers but not students?
 
https://www.edutopia.org/article/why-students-should-not-use-ai
 
 
How a Sarah Bareilles song inspires writers to be brave:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/supporting-brave-writers/
 
 
Discipline-specific literacy strategies:
 
https://www.edutopia.org/article/how-to-work-literacy-instruction-into-all-content-areas
 
 
Teaching students to self-monitor their behavior:
 
http://www.responsiveclassroom.org/teaching-children-to-check-their-own-behavior/
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

No More Coaching Cycles

Discussions of coaching typically talk about the work we do as “coaching cycles.” It’s time to stop this language and instead describe coaching work in a way that is more responsive and relational. Let’s talk about coaching rhythms.
 
The dictionary defines rhythm as movement marked by regular recurrence or natural flow. According to researchers Klarner and Raisch,* who study organizational change, a rhythm is how moves are timed. These descriptions fit my GIR model for coaching (below). The 5 coaching moves (modeling, recommending, questioning, affirming, and praising) are used in a natural flow in response to teachers’ needs.
 
Appropriate coaching support will guide, challenge, or validate. The squiggly line in the GIR model shows that coaching isn’t a linear process – it’s a fluid one. There’s no circular movement indicated, although we might certainly revisit more supportive coaching moves as needed, especially as we work with the same teacher on different skills.
 
Although in general your coaching will move from more supportive to less supportive during a coaching cycle, the path is not a linear one. I’ve described it as shifting, sinuous, flexible, and responsive.
 
Instructional improvement is contextual, so coaching is a cha-cha. We will step forward and back, and there will be lifts and dips along the way. We know that the upward sloping line in the GIR model indicates growth, but the cha-cha of coaching includes small steps back, too. When it seems needed, don’t hesitate to lean on a move that offers more support, like modeling or recommending. If one move doesn’t bear fruit, we can lean back and try an approach that provides more scaffolding. The 5 coaching moves create the rhythm of our coaching work.
 
Coaching is responsive; if we stick too long with a move that’s not needed, we are over-scaffolding; this reduces teachers’ agency and motivation. We know how to move by paying careful attention to the teacher and the context. We are ready to reposition, to find a match between the support needed by the teacher and the support offered by each of the 5 coaching moves. This is the rhythm of responsive coaching.
 
Finding the right pace supports authentic teacher learning. Just as students learn at different speeds, teachers, too, have unique paces of growth. To keep the metaphorical coaching dance engaging and challenging, our coaching moves match teachers’ motion.
 
My friend Karen, an experienced and amazing coach, told me that early in her coaching career, she would carefully plan a framework for an upcoming coaching conversation and then stick to the plan. “Those conversations left me feeling that they didn’t quite land,” she said. Karen knew something was off. Then one day, a teacher said to her, “It feels like you’re continuing a conversation from the past, but I’m not in that same place anymore.” Karen realized that a plan is helpful, but flexibility is essential. “Truly listening,” Karen said, allows coaches to align with where teachers are “both in their professional learning and in the moment during the conversation.” “It’s essential to stay flexible and responsive,” she said. “Effective coaching requires us to meet teachers in their current space.” We’ve got to adjust the rhythm.
 
Responsive coaches are those who pay attention. They reinvent and adapt to the experiences of those they serve. They build on the resources that teachers bring to the table and attend to current needs. To find out what those needs are, you might ask, “What are you wondering about right now?” or “What is missing for you right now?” Teachers’ wonderings and questions will provide insight about how you can support them. Their questions will tell you what they are troubled by and what they want help with. That is the beginning. We can’t know what to do until we know where they are. Then we know how to move. We know the next beat in the rhythm.
 
As you gather information from teachers, you can make professional decisions about how to best support them. You will be armed with greater understanding about teachers’ current needs. You will be more responsive. Teaching and coaching must always be dynamically adapted and reinvented to match learners and contexts.
 
Coaches are responsive when they are attuned to teachers’ abilities, interests, and needs. They are aware of emotional concerns and aware of teachers’ successes and celebrations. Coaching well can’t be done apathetically.
 
Instead of a cycle that elicits a supervisory schedule of observation and evaluative feedback, coaches who are responsive offer collaboration and consultation – we reason together. Within a coaching rhythm, observation and feedback are options but not expectations, and data collection often focuses on students, not teachers.
 
Another feature influencing coaching rhythms is the relationship that has been built between teacher and coach. Teachers and coaches are all very different individuals, so the relationship between the two will vary. Each coaching relationship is unique.
 
Coaching is relational work, and a relationship of trust is required. Trust involves confidence that someone will act in your best interest, an assurance that they are on your side.
 
Coaching rhythms are relational and responsive. The pattern of the 5 moves in the GIR model is determined by teachers’ needs, flowing in real-time response to the teacher. We adjust the tempo and intensity of support. Change should be carefully timed in keeping with an individual’s resources and the time required to learn. Coaching rhythms set the direction and magnitude of change.
 
The GIR Model helps coaches carefully consider a dynamic process for supporting growth. Differentiated coaching means recognizing teachers’ strengths and needs and then varying the supports provided as those you work with gain experience and expertise, one step at a time. The GIR model can guide our moves as we create a coaching rhythm.
 

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Did you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? (with different content) Find it in your favorite podcast app or at
MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com
 
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This week, you might want to take a look at:

Give teachers more of what they need – TIME:
 
https://www.smartbrief.com/original/the-gift-of-time-is-an-educators-best-tool
 
 
This video of a writing conference, nudging a student toward multimodal informational text:
 
https://vimeo.com/1085826263/7a570821fe?ts=0&share=copy
 
 
Strategies for strengthening teacher-coach relationships:
 
https://www.ascd.org/el/articles/how-good-coaches-build-alliance-with-teachers
 
 
A stance of confident humility:
 
https://barkleypd.com/blog/confident-humility-and-coaching/
 
 
A reminder for coaches to be active listeners:
 
https://simplycoachingandteaching.com/blog/2021/10/05/better-listener/
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

Coaching with a Gentle Nudge

Change is hard, so sometimes we need a nudge to make it happen.  We may lack confidence, courage, or motivation to try new things of which we are capable, but a nudge can get us moving in the right direction. When coaching, recommendations work best when they feel like a gentle nudge rather than an edict.
 
Aking permission is one way to make a recommendation feel more nudge-like. We might say, “Do you mind if I share some ideas with you?” or ““Can I share my experience?” Even though the teacher is very unlikely to say “no,” somehow, the asking makes a difference. It seems to open the way.
 
A recommendation is more nudge-like, too, if it’s a small step rather than a giant one. When I met with a teacher who truly wanted to improve the whole-group discussions in her classroom, I realized that small steps were needed. Tasha was committed, but she had a lot of work to do to improve classroom discussions. I felt that if I shared all the things I’d been thinking about in terms of improving class discussions, Tasha would become overwhelmed. What she needed were small steps to move her in the right direction. So I suggested a very concrete idea: Rather than suggesting something to do, my first recommendation was something to avoid. Working on not doing something seemed much easier than working on doing something.
 
So, I said, “Do you think you could totally do away with the sentence stem, ‘Who can raise their hand and tell me?” To hand-raise or not to hand-raise wasn’t the issue here. But Tasha’s habitual question-starter seemed to turn off students’ brains – they seemed to be thinking, “This question doesn’t have to be for me if I don’t raise my hand.” So, rather than suggesting that Tasha work on getting all students engaged in the thinking, it felt more manageable to work on eliminating these eight words. It was a small step, and I could tell by the way Tasha’s face lit up that she felt confident she could do it. There were many small steps on Tasha’s journey to improved classroom discussion, but this gentle nudge got her moving in the right direction.
 
A nudge is an invitation, a tender prompt forward. Pushing, on the other hand, usually doesn’t work. To push is to “press against with force.”  That doesn’t sound very nice, does it? When someone pushes against me with force, I’ve noticed that I have a tendency to push back. It seems like the natural way to keep my equilibrium. If I don’t offer some resistance, I might topple over from the force. 
But a nudge allows me to keep my footing. I’m not going to fall, I’m just going to move forward. To nudge is to touch gently or urge into action. A nudge is a recommendation loaded with assurance. Pete Carroll said, “Each person holds so much power within themselves that needs to be let out. Sometimes they just need a little nudge, a little direction, a little support, a little coaching, and the greatest things can happen.”*  He was talking about football, but instructional coaches can unlock power, too.
 
A nudge is likely to be received gracefully and with appreciation. A pushy recommendation is likely to be met with pushback rather than change. Take a moment and reflect on who might need a nudge to take that next positive step – something you know they are capable of doing, but they may not. Being a pusher can be tiresome and unproductive, but being a nudger is something to aspire to!
 
Asking permission and naming small steps are two ways to make recommendations nudge-like. The difference between nudging and pushing is a matter of language. Our ways with words make a big difference in how a recommendation is received.
 
*247sports, n.d.
 
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Did you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? (with different content) Find it in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com
 
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This week, you might want to take a look at:

Video analysis as a coaching tool:
 
https://www.teachingchannel.com/free-videos/
 
 
Why writing instruction matters more than ever in an AI-driven world:
 
https://districtadministration.com/opinion/why-writing-still-matters-teaching-human-skills-in-an-ai-powered-world/
 
 
Perfectionism or perseverance? It shows up even in kindergarten:
 
https://ccira.blog/2025/09/22/ice-cream-penguins-and-other-thoughts-on-the-growth-mindset/
 
 
Using tech to help students learn from one another:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/the-good-part-of-tech/
Nonverbal communication in the classroom:
 
https://www.teachingchannel.com/blog/nonverbal-communication-in-your-classroom
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

Coaching from Comfort

As a coach, you know that not all teachers need or want recommendations, but for those who are looking for guidance, making recommendations fills an important role. By making recommendations, coaches encourage teachers and support ongoing improvement.
 
When conferring with a teacher who might benefit from your suggestions, it helps to frame the recommendation within a comfortable context. For example, when I was coaching Kate, an elementary teacher, building from her favorite content area (math) helped my recommendations feel comfortable.
 
 I’d been talking with Kate about writing conferences, but writing wasn’t Kate’s strong suit. Since she has a math brain and is a natural problem-solver, it helped when I began our conversation about writing conferences by thinking with her about how she provides feedback in math. “I love trying to figure out what they’re doing,” she said. “If the answer isn’t right, it’s like solving a puzzle to figure out what went wrong.”
 
“So think about using the same approach in a writing conference,” I said. “Just like when you’re scaffolding in math, you’ll have to first figure out where the writing process has broken down. Once you solve that puzzle, you can figure out the support that’s needed.”
 
I noted how the light went on in Kate’s eyes when I said the word “puzzle.” It was an aha moment for her. My recommendation helped her connect with successful past experiences. Couching the suggestion in a conversation about content that Kate was comfortable with made a difference.
 
When coaching Angela, a middle-school teacher, I started by acknowledging the powerful conversations she was having with students: her thoughtful attention to individuals, her calm and assuring presence and encouragement, and her recognition of students’ strengths. I labeled these individual interactions for her as “conferences,” a term that was new to her. Initially, we talked about structuring those conferences for increased impact. I built on what she was already comfortable with before making suggestions that were a bit more outside of her comfort zone.
 
Making suggestions as part of a collegial conversation, with a comfortable context, a casual tone, and a chance for dialogue, increases the likelihood that recommendations will be used, moving the teacher’s learning forward.
 
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Did you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? Find it in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com  This week's episode offers a magic coaching question!
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This week, you might want to take a look at:

Learning walks with teachers as a coaching practice:

https://ashleytaplin.com/2021/09/17/instructional-scouting-a-new-practice-for-learning-walks/

 

This learning/PD/collaboration tool – Box It Out:

https://www.thecoachingsketchnotebook.com/2021/09/a-new-tool-for-pd-box-it-out.html

This post is about more than classroom management; consider how the conversation with teachers was facilitated (they include their agenda at the end):

https://choiceliteracy.com/article/new-teacher-conversations-management-stories-from-the-classroom/

 

Picture books to encourage writers:

https://www.edutopia.org/article/using-picture-books-encourage-student-writers

Physical activity boosts test scores:

 

https://www.the74million.org/article/jumping-jacks-lunges-and-squats-and-better-test-scores/

 

That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!

Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!

Instructional Coaching: A Career of Caring

Caring is hard. Educators typically approach their work with their hearts wide open. I ache for the middle-school student sitting alone at the lunch table and for her teacher who is distraught about the feedback she just got from the principal. There seems to be an extra layer of caring for instructional coaches and, like a sweater worn on a day turned too hot, those layers can start to feel just too much. We want to take a layer off until things cool down. But in education, oftentimes they don’t. And we wouldn’t really want to not care, would we?
 
What do we do when the caring feels too heavy, though? And what can we encourage teachers to do when they feel the same? We really have to figure this out. There’s still plenty of joy to be had in the school day, but there’s plenty that’s not joyful, too.
 
Managing emotions as a caring professional starts by acknowledging them. Be sure to acknowledge satisfaction, excitement, and pride. But It’s okay (and important) to acknowledge anxiety, anger, guilt, sadness, and loneliness, too. Name it, feel it, help it move on through.
 
It’s not about a new pair of shoes, a chocolate bar, or even a bubble bath (although I’m pretty convinced that the chocolate, at least, will help! 😊). Beyond indulgences, we need healthy things we can do on the regular and even things we can do in-the-moment. Here are a few practices to try:
 
*Deep breathing: This is my go-to. Several BIG breathes in, followed by s-l-o-w exhales always make a difference. Brain science supports this practice, too. More oxygen is a good thing.
 
*Progressive relaxation: Sit down, and start by relaxing your toes. Then work your way up to the top of your head and out to the tips of your fingers, muscle group by muscle group. In a class full of children, you can do this with your eyes open.
 
*Do the art project with students. Creativity has a calming effect, and you might all be satisfied with the results.
 
*Dance. Do the brain-break with students. Moving your body can move your emotions.
 
*Give a self-hug. Hugs help – there’s research to prove it! And, somewhat surprisingly, even a self-hug works. Educators can sneak in a self-hug any time.
 
*Make time for exercise and sleep (preaching to myself here!). We know our minds and bodies work best, and we can be more appropriately responsive to hard situation, when basic bodily needs are taken care of (eating and peeing count here, too – and we know educators often don’t get enough time for either during their days).
 
*Communicate needs and feelings with a trusted listening partner.
 
Which of these practices help you when caring feels too heavy? Which could you share with the educators you care about?
 
Lately, I’ve had the words of William Wordsworth’s poem, “The World is Too Much with Us,” running through my head. But we don’t want to stop being people who care. Caring means being responsive to a need. We can find ways to turn our compassion fatigue into compassion resilience, to maintain our own well-being while responding humanely to others.
 
Remind yourself of what fills your emotional well. As an instructional coach, you might also be in a position to help others find what fills theirs. You aren’t a therapist, but you are a caring human. Focus on what you can do. The emotions that come from caring can become fuel for action.
 
This week, you might want to take a look at:

3 Ways to More “Aha” Moments in Coaching:
 
http://www.growthcoaching.com.au/articles-new/3-ways-to-more-aha-moments-in-coaching
 
 
Preserve creativity in the face of AI:
 
https://www.edsurge.com/news/2025-09-08-jelly-beans-for-grapes-how-ai-can-erode-students-creativity 
 
 
Helping students deal with distraction:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/helping-students-deal-with-distractions/
 
 
Effective literacy intervention for middle schoolers:
 
https://www.k12dive.com/news/middle-school-students-need-strong-tailored-reading-instruction-nwea/757571/
 
 
A list of suggestions for establishing positive relationships with parents:
 
https://www.parentengagement.ca/modules/establishing-positive-relationships/tips-suggestions/
 
 That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentxiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: FDNF25 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!