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You
can find My Coaches Couch, the podcast (with
different content) in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com.
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Sometimes
coaches walk alongside a teacher, and sometimes we step back and let them lead.
Empathy helps us walk alongside, listening carefully, recognizing emotions, and
communicating, “You’re not alone in this.” Empowerment means we know when to step
back, creating space for the teacher to make decisions, take ownership, and
trust their professional judgment. Coaching needs both. Empathy helps teachers
feel seen; empowerment helps them see themselves as capable.
When
a teacher trusts you, challenges that she brings up might be emotionally
charged – things she has felt recurringly frustrated with. Don’t miss the emotions that are wrapped up
in the situation. If you are blind to
the emotions, they will trip you up. When a teacher shares a challenge, she is
likely looking as much for empathy as for a solution. The two can go hand in
hand. Once she feels understood, she’ll be more ready for something else:
empowerment. She needs to be reminded that she has the capacity to figure out
what comes next.
Empathy:
Coaching for Connection
Empathy
means we can truly understand and share the teacher’s feelings about a
situation. Teachers benefit when we tap into our own emotional experience as
well as our professional knowledge.
When
facing a challenge, teachers may feel that they are in this alone. Everyone
else has it together, no one else has had a student like this, no one else has
struggled in teaching this concept or using this teaching approach.
The
teacher may be looking for validation that it is okay to struggle, that it is
okay to try something and fail. In truth, good teachers often fail, because
they are willing to take a risk and try something new. Maybe something that puts a lot of control in
the hands of students, which has no guarantees of success! Demonstrating empathy means saying something
like, “I know this feels like shaky ground.
I’ve been there. It will be worth
it.” Or simply, “That sounds really
frustrating.”
But
how do we demonstrate empathy without taking over the conversation with our own
story? Here are a few ideas:
~Demonstrate
that your coaching conversation is a safe place. “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” This recognition gives a teacher the go-ahead
to express feelings without fear of judgment.
~Mirror
the emotion.
Our facial expressions, tone, and body language communicate that we are paying
attention not just to the words but to the feelings underneath them. And I’ve
found that when I initially match these features, I can later help the teacher
relax as I adjust my own non-verbal emotional cues.
~Name
the emotion. Listening
with your heart helps you understand how your teacher friend is feeling. Naming
what we hear can help teachers recognize and process what they are
experiencing.
~Briefly
connect through our own experience.
Sharing a similar experience builds connection, as long as the story stays
brief. Without shifting the focus away from the teacher’s concern, you can quickly
summarize your own experience using the feel/felt framing: “It
sounds like you feel (naming). I felt that way when…” Don’t compare their
problem to yours, just connect with the emotion, Vulnerability strengthens
relationships, increasing coaching effectiveness.
Empathy
is different from sympathy, which might feel like a pity party. Empathy
establishes an interpersonal connection that makes coaching possible. Once
empathy for emotions is felt, the teacher will be more ready to turn to action.
Empowerment:
Coaching for Action
Acknowledging
emotions in an empathetic way builds connection, and after a teacher feels
understood, the more rational parts of our brains can kick into gear. The
teacher you are coaching will be more ready to problem-solve. We can move
toward empowerment.
Empowerment
is helping teachers recognize the expertise, judgment, and capacity they
already possess. Coaching isn't about imposing the “right” way. It is about
offering possibilities and helping teachers make informed choices. We support
teachers’ agency - the power and autonomy to make meaningful decisions about
pedagogy. When teachers have agency, they can make informed decisions that
benefit their students. Coaches empower teachers by asking questions like:
“What
are you noticing about your students?”
“What
felt just right?”
“What
needs adjusting?”
“What
possibilities do you see?”
“What
do you think would be worth trying next?”
When
we ask questions like these, the teacher does the thinking. If coaches instead solve
the immediate problem for the teacher, it positions the coach as the one with
the answers and communicates that the teacher will need us to solve the next
problem, too. But by asking questions, we give the teacher the space to consider.
We
can also offer recommendations, when needed, without taking ownership of the
decision. Rather than saying, “You should try this,” we might say, “Some
things you might want to consider…” That small shift matters. The coach
contributes expertise, but the teacher remains the decision-maker.
Empathy
Before Empowerment
One
of the most important roles of an instructional coach is not to make the
struggle disappear, but to walk alongside the teacher long enough for her to
regain her footing—and then trust her to take the next step.
Teachers
need coaches who can do two things at once: understand them and believe
in them. Empathy says, “I see what you’re experiencing, and I
understand why it’s hard.” Empowerment says, “I believe you have what it takes
to move forward.” One strengthens the relationship; the other strengthens the
teacher’s sense of agency. Together, they can help teachers feel both supported
and capable.
This
week, you might want to take a look at:
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