Confidence that Makes Space: Coaching with Curiosity

As coaches, it’s important to be confident about what we bring to the table. You were hired as a coach because you have knowledge of content and pedagogy.  You know how to teach effectively.  Your job is to help others in their pursuits of improvement, and you have a lot to give. But effective coaches balance confidence with curiosity, recognizing that they know a lot, but they don’t know everything. They look to the teachers to find out what they know – about their students, about their class’s history, and about themselves as teachers. 
 
Confidence v. Pride
 
Confidence is a recognition of our own capability. It’s self-efficacy—the belief that we can make a difference in classrooms and in the lives of teachers and students. And as coaches, we need that!
 
But pride? That will not serve us well. Pride leans toward ego. It shows up as needing to be right, needing to be seen as the expert, or walking into a conversation with our minds already made up. And when that happens, the door to dialogue, trust, and partnership closes.
 
Confidence with Curiosity
 
Confidence in coaching doesn’t mean knowing everything. It means offering what you know while staying genuinely open to what the teacher knows. When we approach conversations with curiosity, we signal that we value teachers’ expertise. We position ourselves not as the one with answers, but as a partner in thinking.
 
It feels easy to jump in with a recommendation when a teacher asks for help. But often, a more powerful move is to pause and ask a curious question that allows the teacher to surface her own thinking.
 
When reviewing student work, we might ask, “What is really important to you in this assignment?” When a teacher says she wants students to be able to show their thinking, we might authentically ask, “What does that look like to you?” Authentic questions like these seek the teachers’ perspectives and insight.
 
Recently, I had a coach-the-coach conversation with Angela, an instructional coach who brings lots of experience and expertise to her work. As she talked about the coaching work she was doing, I noticed that our conversation focused mostly on what Angela was observing and her ideas for moving forward. She had noticed, for example, that students were hesitant to jump into whole group conversations, so she had shared ideas with the teacher about setting up small-group instruction. I wondered whether the teacher might feel like things were being done to her or for her, rather than with her. So I asked, “What other ideas has the teacher had about how to increase students’ engagement and participation? What other ideas have teachers brought to the table that might fit in with your vision?” These questions prompted Angela to take a curious stance that elevated the teacher’s voice.
 
A curious stance carries positive assumptions. You communicate respect. You communicate, “You are thoughtful.” “You are observant”. “You are capable.” Over time, those messages build the teacher’s confidence—and that supports lasting change.
 
Because when teachers feel both respected and capable—when they feel seen for what they already know—coaching becomes something powerful: it is shared learning, where both people grow.
 
Confidence with Humility
 
C.S. Lewis said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.” Humility is a mindset about how we approach those we are working with. Are we stand-and-deliver directors or side-by-side partners? Humility establishes a productive horizontal stance with teachers, rather than a vertical, authoritative stance over them. We can acknowledge and draw on teachers’ expertise and experience while sharing our own.
 
As coaches, it’s important to be confident about what we bring to the table. We can be confident that we are fulfilling our coaching role when we also acknowledge that others bring valid and valuable knowledge and experience. Coaching is a learning journey we undertake together. It is relational work.
 
So yes—be confident. You have knowledge and experience that matter. Lean into the belief that you can make a difference. But hold that confidence with curiosity, and temper it with humility. Quiet confidence, paired with genuine curiosity, invites collaboration and deepens the coaching partnership.
 
 
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This week, you might want to take a look at:
Instant mood-boosters:
 
https://aestheticsofjoy.com/2020/10/17/8-quick-things-you-can-do-right-now-to-boost-your-mood/
 
 
Family engagement is not an event:
 
https://www.smartbrief.com/original/family-engagement-isnt-an-event-its-a-mindset
 
 
Virtual tutoring can boost learning:
 
https://www.k12dive.com/news/virtual-tutoring-studies-offer-hope-for-early-literacy-outcomes/814091/
 
 
It’s still National Poetry Month - Poetry with paint-chip boards:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/blackout-poems-and-paint-chip-haiku-two-fun-ways-into-poetry-with-adolescents/
 
 
Why positive comments fail (video):
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIpk5g0h2lQ
 
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
 
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: APR2026 for 15% off. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!