· Create connections
· Recognize personal
biases and internal motivations
· Listen deeply
· Interact empathically
· Acknowledge
concerns
· Consider
context
· Practice
humility
Creating
connections
means finding something you have in common with the other person. It could be
as simple as, you both have kids, or you like the same sports team, or you both
favor dark chocolate. Taking a casual minute to make a personal connection gets
things off to a comfortable start and increases trust and respect.
After making a personal connection, the ER doctor asked the simple question, “How can I help you today?” With the 5-minute timer ticking, he cut to the chase. “What’s on your mind?” “What have you been wondering about?” or “What would you like to think about with me today?” could serve a similar purpose.
Once we know where the conversation is headed, we can do an internal check for our own related biases and motivations. We need to be introspective about our intentions. Recognizing these can help us set them aside, at least temporarily. For example, I recognize that I have a huge bias right now against the media’s portrayal of the science of reading, so when a teacher brings up a recent training experience, I have to figuratively take my bias out of my brain and set it on the shelf so that I can truly listen.
Listening deeply means seeking first to understand. What is at the heart of the teacher’s concern or question? Listen and find out more. Asking authentic questions helps us peel back the layers to increase our understanding.
Active listening is necessary for interacting empathically. Empathy is different from sympathy (feeling sorry for someone). Empathy is feeling with someone, acknowledging their experience and the feelings that they are having along with that experience. We can interact empathically by reflecting back to the teacher what we are hearing and validating those feelings. We can thank them for sharing. As we interact empathically, we acknowledge concerns. It might sound like, “Wow, this is a big challenge that you’re facing. I hear you saying that you want to include more authentic reading and writing experiences for your students, but the curriculum is so packed and the schedule is so tight that you feel limited. I want to commend you for that desire and everything that you are doing to support your students. It sounds like you are really working and having a hard time figuring out how to fit in your priorities.” Expressing empathy shows the teacher that you care.
As we respond to teachers, we consider the context. What is framing this situation? It’s like Russian Matryoshka dolls – the situation is nested within the context of the class, the school, the district, and broader societal expectations. Individual experiences are encased in larger structures and systems. It gets complicated, but considering both micro- and macro-contexts will help us respond in more helpful ways.
Practicing humility is at the core of a respectful response. We have to have a sense of profound self-reflection, recognizing what we do not know and do not understand. As we listen deeply and interact empathically, we gain a better understanding of the teacher’s wisdom. We need the teacher to educate us about their own experience and the experiences of their students.
As coaches create connections, set aside biases, listen deeply and empathically, and practice humility, our responses will be more considered and productive. Teachers will feel more trusted and satisfied. By responding respectfully, coaches earn respect.
*Science of Happiness Podcast, Sept. 14, 2023
This week, you might want to take a look at:
After making a personal connection, the ER doctor asked the simple question, “How can I help you today?” With the 5-minute timer ticking, he cut to the chase. “What’s on your mind?” “What have you been wondering about?” or “What would you like to think about with me today?” could serve a similar purpose.
Once we know where the conversation is headed, we can do an internal check for our own related biases and motivations. We need to be introspective about our intentions. Recognizing these can help us set them aside, at least temporarily. For example, I recognize that I have a huge bias right now against the media’s portrayal of the science of reading, so when a teacher brings up a recent training experience, I have to figuratively take my bias out of my brain and set it on the shelf so that I can truly listen.
Listening deeply means seeking first to understand. What is at the heart of the teacher’s concern or question? Listen and find out more. Asking authentic questions helps us peel back the layers to increase our understanding.
Active listening is necessary for interacting empathically. Empathy is different from sympathy (feeling sorry for someone). Empathy is feeling with someone, acknowledging their experience and the feelings that they are having along with that experience. We can interact empathically by reflecting back to the teacher what we are hearing and validating those feelings. We can thank them for sharing. As we interact empathically, we acknowledge concerns. It might sound like, “Wow, this is a big challenge that you’re facing. I hear you saying that you want to include more authentic reading and writing experiences for your students, but the curriculum is so packed and the schedule is so tight that you feel limited. I want to commend you for that desire and everything that you are doing to support your students. It sounds like you are really working and having a hard time figuring out how to fit in your priorities.” Expressing empathy shows the teacher that you care.
As we respond to teachers, we consider the context. What is framing this situation? It’s like Russian Matryoshka dolls – the situation is nested within the context of the class, the school, the district, and broader societal expectations. Individual experiences are encased in larger structures and systems. It gets complicated, but considering both micro- and macro-contexts will help us respond in more helpful ways.
Practicing humility is at the core of a respectful response. We have to have a sense of profound self-reflection, recognizing what we do not know and do not understand. As we listen deeply and interact empathically, we gain a better understanding of the teacher’s wisdom. We need the teacher to educate us about their own experience and the experiences of their students.
As coaches create connections, set aside biases, listen deeply and empathically, and practice humility, our responses will be more considered and productive. Teachers will feel more trusted and satisfied. By responding respectfully, coaches earn respect.
*Science of Happiness Podcast, Sept. 14, 2023
This week, you might want to take a look at:
Evidence-backed
ways to scaffold student learning:
https://www.edutopia.org/article/6-foundational-ways-to-scaffold-student-learning/
https://www.edutopia.org/article/6-foundational-ways-to-scaffold-student-learning/
Moving
to an “all in” coaching model:
https://www.dianesweeney.com/moving-from-an-opt-in-to-all-in-coaching-model/
A video reminder that getting students’ names right matters:
https://www.edweek.org/leadership/mispronouncing-students-names-a-slight-that-can-cut-deep/2016/05
Make students’ writing braver with Sara Bareilles:
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/supporting-brave-writers/
How to talk about race in your classroom (recorded webinar):
http://players.brightcove.net/1740322051001/S1b3Eta2_default/index.html?videoId=5253097075001
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
https://www.dianesweeney.com/moving-from-an-opt-in-to-all-in-coaching-model/
A video reminder that getting students’ names right matters:
https://www.edweek.org/leadership/mispronouncing-students-names-a-slight-that-can-cut-deep/2016/05
Make students’ writing braver with Sara Bareilles:
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/supporting-brave-writers/
How to talk about race in your classroom (recorded webinar):
http://players.brightcove.net/1740322051001/S1b3Eta2_default/index.html?videoId=5253097075001
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
Was
this helpful? Please share!
Want to know about new posts? Click “Follow” (bottom right)
Follow on Facebook at: facebook.com/mycoachescouch and Twitter and Instagram @vscollet for more coaching and teaching tips! You can also find me at VickiCollet.com
---------------------------------
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press! I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: SEPT2023 for 15% off plus FREE SHIPPING. Click here and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues. I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!
Want to know about new posts? Click “Follow” (bottom right)
Follow on Facebook at: facebook.com/mycoachescouch and Twitter and Instagram @vscollet for more coaching and teaching tips! You can also find me at VickiCollet.com
---------------------------------
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press! I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: SEPT2023 for 15% off plus FREE SHIPPING. Click here and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues. I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!
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