Friday, July 7, 2023

Coaching: Public But Not Perfect

Are you willing to give up perfectionism?  
 
As the next post in our summer series for developing personal attributes you can take into your coaching, I hope you’ll consider trying to free yourself from the ropes of perfectionism. If you’re the kind of driven individually who often ends up in an instructional coaching role, I’m not sure it’s entirely possible. But I think it’s partially possible, and I think it’s worth a try. 
Perfectionism has different roots. It might grow from being a high-achiever who believes in continuous improvement. Nothing wrong with that, but don’t let it get out of hand.
 
Perfectionism might grow from concern about others’ opinions. This one is less-healthy, to be sure. I’m not a psychologist, but I know that worrying about what others think of me constrains my actions. I don’t think of myself as overly-driven by others’ opinions, but lately, as I’ve been stopping to notice, I realize that it’s an insidious habit that I somehow ended up with without trying. I’m trying to catch myself feeling judged by others or doing things a certain way because of what others will think. I’m trying to let those feeling go.
 
It's been kind of freeing to wear the same comfy short several days in a row. To walk around with my hair up in the heat, even though all the clips I used don’t really keep it there. In my Instagram posts, I’ve reminded myself that done is better than perfect. When I spilled something while hurrying from the kitchen, I grabbed a towel and said, “Oh, well.”
 
Don’t get me wrong – I still have a drive to make progress – to be on an upward trajectory for the things that matter. But I’m trying to give myself grace and acknowledge that it’s not a straight path and that mistakes are opportunities for learning. When I realize I’ve made a mistake, I try to give a little internal cheer: “Hooray! Here’s an area where I can grow!”
 
How do we take this ease with failure into our coaching role?
 
Be willing to admit mistakes. This might sound like, “I’m still learning about that” or “I’m working on doing better at that.”  You don’t have to be all knowing. “What a great question!” you might say, “I don’t know, but I’m interested in finding out!”
 
If you model in a classroom, be sure both pre- and post-conversations include the idea that we will learn from both the things that go well and the things that don’t. We all learn as we go by reflecting on successes and less-successful aspects of a lesson. When a coach models in the classroom, the teacher sees both the competence (and incompetence?) of the coach and her willingness to take a risk and learn and think alongside the teacher. When modeling, don’t feel like your lesson has to be perfect.
 
Movies and popular media are replete with Super-Teachers:  Robin Williams in “Dead Poets Society,” Hillary Swank in “Freedom Writers,” Edward Olmos in “Stand and Deliver.” These caricatured teachers present a polished, uncracked model of teaching and teachers that is not only unachievable but disheartening. It promotes feelings of inadequacy. Failure, however, is part of the real-life of teaching, and those we mentor and coach deserve to see us working through this process. 
 
They deserve to see us model the ambiguity and risk-taking that is part of teaching. They deserve to see that sometimes taking risks ends in mistakes, in debacles, in failure. And that learning from failure isn’t a quick and easy process. If we don’t show them this side of teaching, we create a false ideal.  If we hide our struggles, we perpetuate the feelings of inadequacy these false ideals create. 
 
We have probably told our students repeatedly that mistakes are part of learning. Are we explicitly describing and modeling this for those we coach? Do we model a willingness to take risks and try new things? Do we let our colleagues see the struggle by inviting them in when we try something new? By thinking aloud as we reflect on a disaster? By describing some of the reasons part of the lesson went awry? When we describe our analysis, we demonstrate our thoughtful review of the situation. Was it the planning and preparation that was lacking? Or something about the execution? As we reflect, we demonstrate how drawing on our experience helps us revise our instructional plans so that things go better the next time. We model the notion that being a good teacher is about being able to reflect and adjust. 
 
Teachers need to see other teachers fail. More importantly, they need to see how we respond to failure. As we model a cycle of failure, reflection, and revision, we demonstrate that teaching requires us to be pliable and that challenges are a part of real-life teaching.
 
Those you coach will likely breathe a sigh of relief as you unveil your own errors. They will feel a little more confident in their own ability to rebound, knowing that those kinds of things happen to other teachers, too. Disasters are a part of our working life. Every teacher struggles now and then with instructional design. We all have lessons that flop. Modeling how to learn from them is an important part of our role as coach. 
 
When failures happen, we don’t just recover, we discover, seeing teaching as an ongoing learning journey. Ambiguity is part of learning. The way we view the things that go wrong is more important than how often or how badly things go wrong. Teaching is never perfectible (it will never be perfect!), but it is improvable. Teachers need to see others fail. So don’t be afraid to let them see you struggle. As coaches, we need to be public but not perfect.
 
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Treat YOURSELF to PD for coaches! Come spend 2 days (Aug. 1 & 2) in Northwest Arkansas with Jim Knight, Vicki Collet, September Gerety, Afton Schleiff and a host of other coaches at the NWA Instructional Coaching Conference. Be:
Ignited. Illuminated. Inspired.
For the cost of the included lunches ($35), you can take your coaching to the next level!
 
As a coach, I know how hard it is to find PD that is just for you. Well, this is it!  I'm excited to have received a grant to sponsor the conference, and I hope you'll join us! Register here:
 
https://tinyurl.com/CoachingConf2023
 
Check out this flier for details and reach out to me (collet@uark.edu) with questions and suggestions.
 
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This week, you might want to take a look at:


The starting point for teaching reading is our own lives as readers:
 
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/building-the-reading-community-among-teachers/
 
That’s it for this week.  Happy Coaching!
 
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Hooray!!! My book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner is available from Teachers College Press!  I’m so excited to share it with you! You can use the code: JUN2023 for 15% off plus FREE SHIPPING. Click  here  and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues.  I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!
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