This week I had an uncomfortable self-realization. I noticed I have the habit of restating what someone else has said – perhaps paraphrasing and adding my two cents – as if by offering my opinion, it gives the person’s statement more weight. While this might be helpful when someone is looking for affirmation, it can feel condescending when the person is confident in their own abilities.
I caught myself restating something my husband said. He is generous and recognizes my good intentions – I think it’s really just my way of agreeing with him. But when I noticed what I’d done, I wondered how frequently I do this, and whether others might be offended. I will be on the lookout next week when I am working with expert teachers who feel confident about what they are doing. Unless they are looking for my affirmation, I resolve not to give it. Instead, I’ll offer honest praise.
I wonder whether other coaches have this habit in their personal lives? I wonder if it carries over into their coaching lives, too? I think the habit grows from my teacher self, who always wants to affirm my students. I think it comes from a desire to build them up. Affirming can be the right move, when teaching and when coaching, if the person we’re addressing gives that hint of uncertainty and is looking to grow their practice. If there’s a bit of concern, it is right to confirm. If a teacher is a little uneasy or unsure, an affirmation will be welcome. If you note hesitation or lack of confidence, and what the teacher is doing is having positive results, please affirm! But if the teacher is rolling smoothly along, confident and competent, making a subtle switch from affirmation to pure praise can ensure your comments hit home. Will you resolve with me to be on the lookout for these opportunities?
Instead of reframing a suggestion a teacher makes during planning and describing how it aligns with best practice, just say, “Wow, what a great idea!” Instead of drilling down to why something you observed in a lesson worked, tell the teacher you’ll be recommending this practice to others. Look for opportunities for authentic praise when no affirmation is needed.
Although it’s uncomfortable to notice negative things about myself, I am embracing this realization as an area where I can get better – in my communication with family, friends, and colleagues. As 2021 gets underway, I resolve to stop asserting my own opinions when they are not needed. Instead, I will plainly and publicly praise as appropriate. Will you join me?
Are educators recharging or recovering?
http://www.ascd.org/publications/educational-leadership/dec20/vol78/num04/When-Netflix-Isn't-Enough@-Fostering-True-Recovery-for-Educators.aspx
A podcast – What students of color need from every teacher:
https://www.bamradionetwork.com/track/the-e-word-what-students-of-color-need-from-every-teacher/
The 30-min. webinar about the complexities of working with adults:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3mWpdVDIOY&feature=youtu.be
What are students doing during read aloud?
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/backchannel-conversations-during-read-alouds/
5 levels of student engagement, including rebellion à compliance àengagement:
https://www.teachthought.com/pedagogy/levels-of-student-engagement-continuum/
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
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