“Taking
the bull by the horns” is one of those idioms we may use without considering
its referent. The origin of this saying
is the practice of bull fighters or ranchers who had to face the animal head on
and bring it to the ground. A terrifying
image! Not surprisingly, conversations
that we use this idiom to describe can also be frightening. That’s why we tend to avoid them. But avoiding a difficult conversation often
means that it festers, zapping our emotional energy.
Difficult
conversations are part of every relationship, and coaching relationships are no
exception. For example, Sandra, an
elementary school literacy coach, became frustrated that whenever she went into
Rachel’s classroom to model, the teacher busied herself with grading papers at
the back of the room. Pre-observation
conversations where they set a purpose and created a structure for notetaking
hadn’t resulted in a change. So it was
time to take the proverbial bull by the horns.
Sandra
prepared for the conversation by:
1) Examining
her own intentions. Why was she upset by this behavior? Did she
feel personally insulted? Frustrated
because she was wasting her time? Recognizing
that some purposes were more useful than others, Sandra redirected her energy
to an intention that might have more buy-in for both of them: She really wanted
to improve student learning in Rachel’s class.
2) Considering
the other person’s intentions. Although Sandra felt ignored
and disrespected by Rachel’s behavior, she needed to recognize that was not
necessarily Rachel’s intention. Impact
doesn’t equal intent. Talking herself
through this step helped Sandra face the conversation more openly.
Examining
both her own and Rachel’s intentions helped Sandra manage her own emotions and
be clear about this issue. Now Sandra
was ready for a more productive conversation.
She thought about the best time to talk and decided that after school
would be best – neither she nor Rachel would be preoccupied with thoughts about
an upcoming lesson. When the time came,
Sandra worked on:
1) Maintaining
an attitude of curiosity. She stated a fact: “I notice that when I come
to model in your classroom, you sometimes grade papers during my visit. I’m wondering about that. Can you talk to me about what’s going on?
2) Listening
and acknowledge the other’s position. Perhaps feeling chagrined,
Rachel became somewhat defensive. “I was
listening at the same time. I’m pretty
good at multi-tasking,” she said. When
Sandra didn’t immediately respond, Rachel continued. “I really can’t waste time during the school
day. I’m way behind on grading with such
large classes this year.”
3) Clarifying
your own position. It would have been easy to
switch topics at this point, making suggestions about ways to reduce time spent
grading, for example. But Sandra’s
initial concern was important, so she didn’t get waylaid. She explained her concern about her modeling
being less fruitful if Rachel’s attention was divided. She described her own position without
minimizing Rachel’s. Having stated the concern,
they were ready for
4) Problem-solving. Now
that both perspectives were out in the open, they were ready to brainstorm
together about solutions. What would
have to happen for Rachel to feel more engaged when Sandra was moding? Would
their coaching cycle work better at another time of the day, week, or semester?
Could part of their coaching work address minimizing grading time? They addressed these and other questions and
made adjustments to the plan for their coaching work.
When
we avoid a difficult situation, we may feel stuck. Having a conversation can free up stuck energy
for more productive purposes. It also
builds stronger relationships with colleagues; festering concerns hinder relationships. When we resolve a difficult situation through
strength and determination, we are taking responsibility, dealing directly with
a situation rather than avoiding it. Such
conversations can feel daunting, but most people feel great once they take the
bull by the horns!
GET IMAGE
This week, you might want to
take a look at:
When modeling, it’s okay to let them
see you struggle:
Station
rotation in a blended learning environment:
Teaching both traditional and digital
texts:
How activity helps the brain:
Poetry lesson ideas
(K-12) from Read.Write.Think:
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
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