Coaches, Keep Your Head Where Your Feet Are
Recently,
when I was talking with my friend Jean Hill, who is an amazing middle school
instructional coach, I asked her, “When you’re having a coaching conversation,
how do you keep your questions authentic?”
Jean
said, “The best way I ground myself in keeping my questions authentic is to
keep my mind where my feet are in that moment.”
“Keep
my mind where my feet are”--- that idea has stayed with me.
Jean
pointed out that, as coaches, we are most effective when we are responsive to
the conversation. Being responsive keeps our questions and comments relevant
and authentic. And we can only be responsive when we are truly present – when are
mind is where our feet are.
Being
truly present is a gift to the teachers we are working with. Maybe that’s why
it’s called being present. Presence is not passive; it is an
active, intentional way of being with another person. It is a choice to offer
our full attention, curiosity, and care in a moment that matters.
This
week, I was in a training with a wonderful presenter. He was knowledgeable and
engaging, friendly and fully-present himself. And yet, I struggled sometimes to
be present because of the worries in my head – the classes starting Monday that
I’m not ready for, the growing pileup of email in my inbox, and the long list
of other tasks to be completed. I occasionally picked up my phone when there
was a topic I was already familiar with, only to find I’d lost the train of
thought being presented when I glanced up seconds later after deleting an email
or two. And I began to feel increasingly rude and guilty about not being fully
present. He deserved it, and I deserved it, too. If I was going to be there, pulling
myself away from other duties at the beginning of the semester, it might as
well be for good purpose. If I missed the chance to plan and missed
the chance to refresh my understanding during the training, I was really
missing out. I made an intentional shift to being present.
When
coaches make classroom observations, our presence extends beyond the teacher to
include students as well. We are tuned in to what we hear, see, and feel in the
room. We notice patterns, interactions, and moments of learning—and we also
consider what teachers and students might be hearing, seeing, and feeling.
Presence helps us hold multiple perspectives at once without rushing to
conclusions.
During
coaching conversations, being present means giving full attention to what is
happening in the right now. When present, our
brains focus on what is currently going on rather than thinking about what we
will say or do later – the now instead of the next. When coaches are present, they
listen to understand. They don’t interrupt. They don’t begin rehearsing their
response while a teacher is still talking. Instead, they tune in completely to
the teacher’s words and ideas. They listen for meaning and attend to the tone
and volume those words are wrapped in. They notice pauses, hesitations, and
emphasis. They are aware of non-verbals, recognizing the complete message that
is being communicated. They build in pauses so that they can fully attend in
the moment instead of thinking ahead. They listen to understand instead of
listening to respond.
Being
present means observing with clarity and from a place of positive assumptions
and empathy. Presence allows us to choose how we perceive—to lean toward
openness and generosity rather than judgment or urgency. We notice teachers’
questions and quandaries, and we stay curious about what those questions might
be pointing toward. We sense whether teachers are engaged, energized,
uncertain, or overwhelmed, and we adjust the conversation as needed.
As
I prepare for coaching conversations that are held in the midst of a busy day,
I often set an alarm on my phone for when the conversation needs to end so that
I can make it to the next thing on my calendar. I did that because it helps me
be fully present in the situation rather than regularly checking to see whether
I need to move on. But a comment from a coachee made me realize I need to be
explicit about my intent. She jokingly said something about Dr. Collet and her
alarms, and I realized she felt they were dismissive, sending the message, “I’m
done with you!” My plan for being fully present had left her feeling just the
opposite. Once I shared my why, she had an “aha” moment, but her
comment had given me my own. The signals I design for myself might be
misconstrued by others. When I name presence as a shared value,
and explain my own process, we can all practice presence. Because being present
does, of course, take practice.
Coaching
is cognitively and emotionally demanding, and it can be hard to stay present
when many concerns are swirling in our heads. To be more fully present, we may
need to do less multitasking and deliberately slow a frenetic pace. Creating
breathing space—before and during coaching conversations—helps us stay focused
and aware. When our minds wander, we can gently pull ourselves back by
grounding in our senses: noticing what we see, hear, and feel in the moment.
Presence
stems from full attention and the flow of information. When we are present, our
next right move is responsive to the person and the situation in front of us,
rather than driven by habit or agenda. When coaches are present,
boundaries collapse, creating opportunities for connection and growth.
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Did
you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? (with different content) Find it
in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com
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