There is a season, turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose
1) Acknowledge
their trust
Let’s
walk through these steps with a (kind of) hypothetical coaching example:
Amber is a sixth-grade language arts teacher. You meet with her to talk about students’ pre-writing assessment, required by your district at the beginning of every semester. The district databoard breaks students’ scores down according to the parts of the rubric.
Amber opens her laptop to show you the scores. After scrolling through, she throws her hands up.
“These scores are all over the place,” she says. “I’ve got 90 students. Some of them are already scoring advanced in every element. Then there are students who have just one lower area – and which one is low is different for everyone! And then there are kids who scored low across the board. I don’t see any patterns. I’ve stared at this and thought about it all week, but I have no idea what to do with this data.”
Amber takes a breath and looks your way, expectantly. So you say, (1) “Wow, thanks for sharing that with me. (2) It’s complicated. I can see why you’re feeling discouraged. (3) I’ve walked through the data with some other teachers and have a few thoughts. (4) Would you be interested in hearing them? (5) You could take them or leave them.
That’s the five-step process in action. Let’s unpack it a bit.
When hypothetical-you said, “Wow, thanks for sharing that with me,” you were acknowledging that Amber was trusting you by sharing her concerns in the first place. It’s a win that she’s open enough to communicate this struggle to you.
When hypothetical-you said, “It’s complicated. I can see why you’re feeling discouraged,” you were witnessing her experience, showing empathy, and confirming her feelings. Giving emotions a label sucks some of the power out of them, giving the feeler more control. You were acknowledging how complicated and challenging the situation is and also showing that you are on Amber’s team.
When “you” said, “I’ve walked through the data with some other teachers and have a few thoughts,” you were giving a reason for Amber to trust your judgment. You were demonstrating credibility. You were opening the door for an invitation.
When “you” said, “Would you be interested in hearing them?” you were asking permission to share. This is probably the most important and powerful step. Giving unsolicited advice reduces the possibility of uptake. Asking permission gives the teacher a chance to shift to a receptive mindset – maybe.
When “you” said, “You could take them or leave them,” you were leaving it to Amber to decide. She maintains agency for whether she even wants to hear your recommendation. That’s the first fork in the road (see the decision diagram below).
If Amber said something like, “I can’t think about this any more right now. Maybe we can talk about it later,” you just got a soft no. You still did your duty. You listened. You offered.
You could close this imaginary “no thanks” conversation by saying something like, “You got this. I know you’re going to figure it out. If you decide you want to talk more about it, I’m here for you.” A response like this demonstrates your faith in Amber’s capacity. It leaves a good feeling and creates a strong possibility that she’ll be back for more.
If, on the other hand, you got a response like, “Sure, what are your thoughts?” You’d have a chance to speak from a place of experience and knowledge, reframing the problem so that it doesn’t seem so heavy. You could close with something like, “So, it’s something to think about.” In this scenario, too, you would demonstrate your faith in Amber’s capacity. “I’m sure you’re going to get this untangled,” you might say. You’ve added value, played on Amber’s team, and left the options open.
Then, of course, there’s another fork in the road (also illustrated in the map below): Amber could try your suggestion or she could decide not to. Either way is okay. Your recommendation was a gift freely given, and you’re not going to feel offended or hurt if Amber doesn’t take your advice. Amber received the gift, which was an act of humility. What Amber does with the gift is up to her. Again, she is maintaining her agency as the decision-maker for her classes.
Wherever the forks in the road lead, following this 5-step recommendation process with teachers shows respect. You are seen as an asset, not a liability. You demonstrate that you believe in their capacity and that you’ll be there for them in the future.
*Thanks to the What Could Go Right?” podcast, episode 2, for spurring these ideas.
This week, you might want to take a look at:
Amber is a sixth-grade language arts teacher. You meet with her to talk about students’ pre-writing assessment, required by your district at the beginning of every semester. The district databoard breaks students’ scores down according to the parts of the rubric.
Amber opens her laptop to show you the scores. After scrolling through, she throws her hands up.
“These scores are all over the place,” she says. “I’ve got 90 students. Some of them are already scoring advanced in every element. Then there are students who have just one lower area – and which one is low is different for everyone! And then there are kids who scored low across the board. I don’t see any patterns. I’ve stared at this and thought about it all week, but I have no idea what to do with this data.”
Amber takes a breath and looks your way, expectantly. So you say, (1) “Wow, thanks for sharing that with me. (2) It’s complicated. I can see why you’re feeling discouraged. (3) I’ve walked through the data with some other teachers and have a few thoughts. (4) Would you be interested in hearing them? (5) You could take them or leave them.
That’s the five-step process in action. Let’s unpack it a bit.
When hypothetical-you said, “Wow, thanks for sharing that with me,” you were acknowledging that Amber was trusting you by sharing her concerns in the first place. It’s a win that she’s open enough to communicate this struggle to you.
When hypothetical-you said, “It’s complicated. I can see why you’re feeling discouraged,” you were witnessing her experience, showing empathy, and confirming her feelings. Giving emotions a label sucks some of the power out of them, giving the feeler more control. You were acknowledging how complicated and challenging the situation is and also showing that you are on Amber’s team.
When “you” said, “I’ve walked through the data with some other teachers and have a few thoughts,” you were giving a reason for Amber to trust your judgment. You were demonstrating credibility. You were opening the door for an invitation.
When “you” said, “Would you be interested in hearing them?” you were asking permission to share. This is probably the most important and powerful step. Giving unsolicited advice reduces the possibility of uptake. Asking permission gives the teacher a chance to shift to a receptive mindset – maybe.
When “you” said, “You could take them or leave them,” you were leaving it to Amber to decide. She maintains agency for whether she even wants to hear your recommendation. That’s the first fork in the road (see the decision diagram below).
If Amber said something like, “I can’t think about this any more right now. Maybe we can talk about it later,” you just got a soft no. You still did your duty. You listened. You offered.
You could close this imaginary “no thanks” conversation by saying something like, “You got this. I know you’re going to figure it out. If you decide you want to talk more about it, I’m here for you.” A response like this demonstrates your faith in Amber’s capacity. It leaves a good feeling and creates a strong possibility that she’ll be back for more.
If, on the other hand, you got a response like, “Sure, what are your thoughts?” You’d have a chance to speak from a place of experience and knowledge, reframing the problem so that it doesn’t seem so heavy. You could close with something like, “So, it’s something to think about.” In this scenario, too, you would demonstrate your faith in Amber’s capacity. “I’m sure you’re going to get this untangled,” you might say. You’ve added value, played on Amber’s team, and left the options open.
Then, of course, there’s another fork in the road (also illustrated in the map below): Amber could try your suggestion or she could decide not to. Either way is okay. Your recommendation was a gift freely given, and you’re not going to feel offended or hurt if Amber doesn’t take your advice. Amber received the gift, which was an act of humility. What Amber does with the gift is up to her. Again, she is maintaining her agency as the decision-maker for her classes.
Wherever the forks in the road lead, following this 5-step recommendation process with teachers shows respect. You are seen as an asset, not a liability. You demonstrate that you believe in their capacity and that you’ll be there for them in the future.
*Thanks to the What Could Go Right?” podcast, episode 2, for spurring these ideas.
This week, you might want to take a look at:
October
is the month when new teachers struggle most. Here are some tips on coaching a novice teacher:
https://www.edutopia.org/article/coaching-novice-teacher
This short video: Gestures and facial expressions for whole-group participation:
https://www.teachingchannel.com/free-videos/
Getting to know students as digital learners:
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/getting-to-know-digital-learners-how-playing-with-technology-helps-facilitate-our-identities-as-learners/
Supporting students on independent writing projects:
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/independent-project-hiccups/
6 Benefits of play:
https://www.thegeniusofplay.org//tgop/benefits/genius/benefits-of-play/benefits-of-play-home.aspx
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
Was this helpful? Please share!
Want to know about new posts? Click “Follow” (bottom right)
Follow on Facebook at: facebook.com/mycoachescouch and Twitter and Instagram @vscollet for more coaching and teaching tips! You can also find me at VickiCollet.com
---------------------------------
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press! I’m so excited to share it with you! TODAY you can use the code: SEPT2023 for 15% off plus FREE SHIPPING. Click here and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues. I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!
https://www.edutopia.org/article/coaching-novice-teacher
This short video: Gestures and facial expressions for whole-group participation:
https://www.teachingchannel.com/free-videos/
Getting to know students as digital learners:
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/getting-to-know-digital-learners-how-playing-with-technology-helps-facilitate-our-identities-as-learners/
Supporting students on independent writing projects:
https://choiceliteracy.com/article/independent-project-hiccups/
6 Benefits of play:
https://www.thegeniusofplay.org//tgop/benefits/genius/benefits-of-play/benefits-of-play-home.aspx
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
Was this helpful? Please share!
Want to know about new posts? Click “Follow” (bottom right)
Follow on Facebook at: facebook.com/mycoachescouch and Twitter and Instagram @vscollet for more coaching and teaching tips! You can also find me at VickiCollet.com
---------------------------------
Want more coaching tips? Check out my book, Differentiated Mentoring & Coaching in Education: From Preservice Teacher to Expert Practitioner, available from Teachers College Press! I’m so excited to share it with you! TODAY you can use the code: SEPT2023 for 15% off plus FREE SHIPPING. Click here and I’ll email you the free Book Group Study Guide that includes questions, prompts, and activities you can use as you share the book with colleagues. I hope you’ll love this book as much as I loved making it for you!
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