This
week, I did one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do as a
coach. I admitted failure.
Admitting
to failure is not in my blood. I’m
guessing it’s not in yours, either. It
is not the stuff coaches are made
of. But after modeling, nudging,
recommending, suggesting, praising, encouraging, and giving the situation much
thought and consideration, I had to admit it was time to cut my losses.
“Cutting
your losses” is only one of the idioms we use to describe this uncomfortable
situation. I was “cashing in my chips,” “throwing
in the towel,” or, to take a more positive turn, “knowing when to fold ‘em.” Perhaps the fact that there are so many
idioms to describe this situation speaks to its difficulty. I had put in a lot
of effort, but it was time to extricate myself from a situation where there
seemed to be little hope for improvement.
Nicole
(name has been changed to protect the innocent!) is a novice teacher with whom
I’ve been working all year. ALL YEAR! When growth and change weren’t happening
in October and November, I scratched my head and tried something
different. When it still wasn’t working
in December and January, I focused on one—little—thing—at—a—time. Even building a case for the need to change
was difficult, and in the end, that is probably where the biggest problem
lay. When someone doesn’t want to
change, a coach can’t make it happen. I
knew that and had worked in ways both subtle and less so to build the
desire. But whenever there was a spark
of desire for change, it seemed to extinguish quickly.
So,
faced with the decision of continuing this fruitless effort or putting my
energies elsewhere, I finally decided it was time to do the latter.
I
couldn’t make this decision sooner because I was holding out hope. And I didn’t want to walk away with little to
show for my efforts. Putting in a lot
and ending up with nothing is just too awful for most of us to consider. But I realized that continuing to pour so
much energy into this teacher would almost certainly have the same results I’d
seen in the past. I realized it would
likely mean more fruitless time and effort, more anguish on my part with little
on hers. I realized I was missing other opportunities. I was spending far too much time worrying
about what I’d lose by moving on and not enough time considering what I could
gain if I shifted my time and energy to a different focus.
The
next time you feel you are waging a losing battle, refocus on opportunities for
effective change and growth that might be yours if you shift your
attention. I am all about growth
mindset, but with so many demands for a coach’s time and talents, we have to
consider where our time is best used and think about what we have to gain
rather than what we have to lose.
Although
I will support Nicole whenever she asks, and I won’t pass up opportunities that
may naturally present themselves, I’m no longer going to let this situation
suck my time and energy. The time to
refocus on Nicole may come, but right now, letting it go is giving me some
space to breathe, recharge, and recenter.
I already feel my energy increasing!
Difficult as it was, once I made the effort to refocus on impact, it
became clear that cutting my losses was the right decision. A focus on hopes and aspirations makes us more
comfortable with mistakes and more comfortable with the losses we may endure
along the way.
This week, you might want to
take a look at:
Ideas for coaching resistant teachers
(I haven’t given up!):
End-of-year reading celebrations and
the “Not Newberry” impact:
Video
with ideas for teaching fact and opinion:
This long article is worth the
read—Effective interventions for kids who lack cognitive and emotional
readiness to learn:
Spotlight on teaching literacy:
That’s it for this week. Happy Coaching!
