As
a coach, it’s not the fancy words that matter. Little words matter more than
you might imagine. Choosing words with a gentler feel can make a meaningful
difference in how our ideas are received—and whether those thoughts move from
idea to action.
Saying,
“I’m wondering how a Venn diagram might work in this lesson,” offers an
invitation. The teacher I’m working with is free to consider the tool, adapt
it, or set it aside. On the other hand, saying, “You should use a Venn
diagram instead of that chart,” would land very differently. Even when the
idea is sound, the wording can shut thinking down rather than open it up.
Small
Words, Big Impact
Over
time, I’ve become much more attentive to the small words I use in coaching
conversations. Little words carry outsized weight. They can position teachers
as capable professionals who are actively making decisions—or as people needing
to be corrected.
One
way to pay attention to how our words work is to notice how often we default to
language that sounds absolute or evaluative. A simple word like but
can negate everything that came before it. Replacing but with and
or so keeps the conversation additive rather than corrective.
Similarly, shifting from you to we or us
signals partnership instead of hierarchy.
Modal
verbs matter, too. Words like should and must tend
to sound like commands, even when we don’t intend them that way. Their gentler
counterpart, could, leaves room for choice.
In
the same way, trading “They sometimes…” for “They never” or “They always”
acknowledges the complexity of classroom life. Will could become might
or maybe, and best could become possible,
Instead of, “You should determine…” you might soften the language to,
“We could consider,” or “I wonder.”
Wrong could be replaced with different;
can’t could become not
yet. Even words we might think of as neutral can carry judgment. Small
shifts can better communicate optimism and opportunities for growth, rather
than finality.
Language
That Honors Professional Identity
The
language choices we make as coaches can do important identity work. Small,
simple words subtly shape a teacher’s sense of themselves as knowledgeable,
thoughtful professionals. Avoiding evaluative language like good
and bad, and replacing harsh modal verbs like should
and must with their kinder cousins, might and may,
signals that the coach’s ideas are tentative and offered for consideration,
not compliance.
For
example, “You should make sure everyone is listening before you begin,”
can easily sound like a directive. Saying instead, “Something that has
worked for me is using a focus signal before giving instruction,” feels
like an idea being placed on the table. The content is similar, but the
invitation is very different.
Providing
a menu of options is another way to avoid what I think of as “you-should-ing.”
When we offer possibilities rather than prescriptions, we honor teachers as
decision-makers in their own classrooms. And often, it’s the small, gentle
words that make the difference.
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Did
you know My Coaches Couch is also a podcast? (with different content) Find it
in your favorite podcast app or at MyCoachesCouch.podbean.com
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